


I Remember When Your Head Caught Flame

by ScrimmageGirl



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: And schemes, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cliche, Everyone loves eachother and its great, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Getting Together, M/M, Magic scavenger hunt, Okay theyre all dramatic smartasses, Pining, Sirius black is dramatic, Yes there are pranks, so is lupin, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2019-10-27 12:49:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 23,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17767094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScrimmageGirl/pseuds/ScrimmageGirl
Summary: A pretty long fic that follows Sirius and Remus's relationship through their sixth year (and 7th? I don't know yet). Mutual pining, fighting, and eventually getting together. Plus some Jily on the side for good measure.FANFIC PLAYLIST: https://open.spotify.com/user/squint2squad/playlist/6bw3hIz6It1X6K91Aznlsg?si=NdC4wdtcQ-yAu3a8qsIzWA"The four Marauders sat in their usual chairs by the window in the Gryffindor common room. Peter had snuck to the kitchen for snacks and drinks and a party was well underway. Everyone was in good spirits but Sirius was sulking. He stared at Remus flushed cheeks and non-stop smile as he chatted with Fabian Prewett, the no-good git. An unexplained fizzle of rage buzzed in Sirius’s stomach as he watched them talk. When Fabian placed a hand on Remus’s arm to pull him closer, the bit of anger exploded and Sirius’s hex was flying towards the 7th year before he was even aware of casting it. As he fled the scene of the crime he grabbed the arm of James, who was unsuccessfully attempting to chat up Evans, and pulled him up the stairs with a whisper of “I have something to tell you.” "





	1. Flame

**Author's Note:**

> It's fluffy, angsty, a lot of it is (unitentionally) stolen from other fanfictions and headcannons because I read A LOT and sometimes forget what ideas are and aren't mine - sorry! I am not claiming any ownership. 
> 
> This first chapter is about the summer break. I'm trying out new thing here - some dialogue, different narrators, a bunch of whatever. Sorry if you hate it! I'm still figuring this stuff out. 
> 
> FANFIC PLAYLIST: https://open.spotify.com/user/squint2squad/playlist/6bw3hIz6It1X6K91Aznlsg?si=NdC4wdtcQ-yAu3a8qsIzWA 
> 
>  
> 
> Legend:  
> \--- later   
> >>> forward in time/flash-forward or back to the present from a flashback   
> <<< back in time/flashback
> 
> Link to some personal headcannons for visualization/world building purposes: https://docs.google.com/document/d/11yPkxv5CkmZHilAM2SmXmfRWgTROF_V8QLC8aEkT1Kk/edit?usp=sharing

###  **_Chapter 1_ **

_The Potter Residence_

_Summer 1976_

 

“Remus? Hey Remus, wake up mate,” James’s voice cut through the gentle lull of sleep that was pulling Lupin further into the air mattress.

“Hgphn” he moaned.

“It’s Sirius, he’s here-” James started, but Remus was already up and running. He had been sleeping fully clothed. It was already two days past Sirius’s scheduled arrival time and the three Marauders staying at the Potter house were on edge. He raced out into the front yard.

“Padfoot! PADS!”    

“Hey woah there Moons calm down I’m here…” Sirius coughed as the full weight of Remus’s body slammed into him in a bear hug. As Remus pulled back, his face flushed, his eyes went wide with shock. Sirius’s face was much too pale, his cheeks too sunken, his eyes too dark. Something had happened.

“He shouldn’t have gone back.” Peter whispered from behind them. Remus’s heart sank. He looked down at Sirius and loosened his grip on the shorter boy’s shoulders. And then Sirius burst into flame.

Peter and James’s yells echoed in his ears but Remus could only clearly hear Sirius’s scream of terror. He launched himself towards Sirius with no hesitation and tackled him. He had never tried side-along apparition before but he couldn’t comprehend another option: he closed his eyes and pictured the pond a short walk down the path from the Potters. The last thing Remus saw before he blacked out was the surface of the water careening towards their entwined bodies, and then he slammed into the pond and everything went dark.

\---

Remus woke on the yellow-striped couch with Mrs Potter tutting over him. He jerked upwards, yelling.

“Padfoot!” He rasped, but Mrs Potter gently pushed him back down.

“He’s fine dear, just resting. He will be alright soon thanks to you. You need to rest as well Remus,” she chided.

“What? Why?”

“Darling, that was an advanced bit of magic that you did there. You splinched a couple fingers”

“Splinched?”

“Forgot some of your body parts because you were concentrating on Sirius as you apparated silly boy.”

Remus held up his hands - rings of fresh pink scar tissue ringed the base of the last three fingers on his left hand, raw with healing magic. He dropped his arms back down with a sigh and thanked Mrs Potter quietly.

“Well this’ll do for now, but we can heal you further when the Evans girl gets here.”

“Lily?” Remus’s heart swelled.

 

<<<

 

_The Hogwarts Express_

_September 1, 1975_

 

“Lily?” Remus asked, tentatively standing in the compartment door. “Can I sit beside you?”

“Sure,” she smiled warmly.

“Congrats on making Prefect!”

“Back at you.” They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes in the Prefects compartment until Remus breached the subject.

“Hey, so James was pretty jealous I got the position.” He brought up the topic awkwardly, but James had made him promise to mention it.

“Oh really? Why so?” Lily’s voice dripped with sarcasm and her smirk told Remus she was already fully aware of the answer.

“Cause.. Well… he likes spending time with you. Fancies you and all that.”

“The marriage proposal in Herbology last year tipped me off.”

“He really does like you Eva- Lily.”

“Yeah, well, he’s a git.” She snickered. Remus couldn’t find a retort for that.

Somehow they got onto the topic of muggle music. They bonded easily over their mutual inexperience in the magical world (Lily because she was muggleborn and Remus because of his condition - although he didn’t reveal this to her) and their mutual enjoyment of The Beatles. Remus stayed with her in the compartment for the entire ride, a rush of affection rushing through him every time he got her to laugh. It was hard to appreciate how good of a friend she seemed when the only time he saw her was when she was snarling at James. When they got to Hogwarts, Lupin lamented again how daft it was of Dumbledore to put him in charge of children.

“So… this is the Fat Lady. She’s a bitch, but she’s the only way in to Gryffindor tower so don’t piss her off-”

“The password is Giggle Water,” Lily interrupted with a sharp elbow to Remus’s ribs.

Once the first years had begun clamoring in the portrait hole, she turned to Remus.

“You can’t swear at them Lupin, they’re only eleven,” she chided. Remus shrugged, unsure of what to do, he had never been good with kids. Only the Marauders knew and believed it, but Remus had the most foul mouth of the bunch. Peter never swore, James would drop expletives to accentuate a particularly dramatic point, and Sirius was the one who taught them all the words when they were twelve, but it was Remus who used them most often.

“Lily I have no idea what I’m doing.” She placed a comforting hand on his arm - making him flinch, but she didn’t pull away.

“I’ll do the rest of the introduction then.”

The first years thought it would be the kind-looking Lily who would be their favourite. Their head boy and girl were nice, but they always liked the Prefects better anyways. Lily’s fiery hair however turned out to be a warning. She was the one who would give you detention without batting an eye and take house points with no remorse - the girls found she could be a comforting hug and a safe place to go in a crisis, but her idea of comfort was a pragmatic talking-to. The first years were surprised to discover that the tall, sulking Remus became the crowd pleaser. He swore a lot, and looked the other way when they were causing trouble, he helped people to their classes and hung out with the coolest guys in school. He was kind and logical, and would help you with homework and sneak you cookies he had stolen from the kitchen. And Remus found he liked being a Prefect - even if just so he could spend more time with his new friend.          

 Over the next year Remus and Lily became inseparable on Prefect duty and gradually began studying and sitting together in the library and common room. Lily still refused to sit near James at meals, but Remus kept up a constant battery of his assets. He stopped after Lily snapped at him once.  

“Remus, if you tell me one more time how kind James is I will never believe anything you say again! He needs to grow up and show me himself!”

“Sorry..”

“No,” she sighed, “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have yelled, it’s just..”

“I get it.”

“Okay.”

 

>>>

 

“Yes, Lily Evans. Jamsie said she was proficient at healing potions so I sent a message to her mother. She’s on her way. You guys are friends right? Jamesie said.” Mrs Potter was standing now, sticking her wand back into her pocket.

Remus held his tongue. He and Lily _were_ best friends now, but she still barely tolerated Sirius, and loathed James with a burning passion. He felt upset that James had used his injury to get Lily to come over, and the sliminess of the move squirmed in his stomach. Just then the man in question strolled into the room.

“Jamsie? Watch Remus here and keep an eye on the fire for Miss Evans okay? I’m going to check Sirius’s burns. And no-” she started, catching the look in Remus’s eye. “You can’t see him yet. You need to lie down.” And with a wordless wave of her wand Remus was forced to do so. Remus waited until she had left the room and the spell has worn off to whirl on his friend.

“You _really_ invited Lily, James? I mean I know you’re a proper idiot but this is insensitive beyond belief.” He raged. James looked genuinely hurt at this.    

“Honestly Moony, I didn’t think about that. I just… I knew she could help you.” He dropped his voice. “She's bringing Wolfsbane as well. Slughorn helped her make it for a made-up assignment.” Remus flinched. He had never wanted to tell Lily but she had figured it out. He had woken up once in the Shrieking Shack to her leaning over him.

 

<<<

 

_The Shrieking Shack_

_March 1976, morning after the full moon_

 

Lily bent over the prone boy lying on the ground.

“Remus.” She dripped water from a goblet at her side into his mouth.

“Lily!? I-”

“Am a werewolf? Yeah you blithering idiot I know that obviously.”

“But how-?”

“You doubt my intelligence Remus? I’m your friend.. I could just.. tell.”

“But how the fuck did you get in here! It’s dangerous Lily I could have-”

“Shhh. I saw Madame Pomfrey taking you here so I waited until sun-up and then charmed a twig to stop the tree. Don’t worry I wasn’t seen - I used a disillusionment charm you absolute tosser.”

“Lily… I”

“Appreciate and love me? Yeah I know that too.”

They sat in silence for a while, Lily producing a book to read and periodically giving Remus water. She stroked his hair.

“Where are the others Remus?”

“They, uh, they come down later,” Remus lied, his eyes flicking to a rat skittering across the floor.

“Really? Wow. I didn’t know Potter could cast a disillusionment charm,” Lily pondered. Eventually he was able to convince her to leave, on the promise of a longer conversation later. A black dog ran out of the shadows when she had left and snarled possessively. Padfoot snuggled up to Remus’s chest and he fell asleep again.    

 

>>>

 

Remus woke to the sound of Lily’s raised voice.

“I know very well that I have ‘trouble with floos’ Potter, but I can get up on my own.” Lupin cracked an eye open to see James haul Lily up from her position sprawled on the Potter’s rug, ignoring her mumbled protests.

“Ah, Evans. Looking as radiant as ever I see!” James grinned, but Lily was already at Remus’s side and rolling her eyes.   

“Drink this Remus.” She cut off his protests by tipping the vial against his mouth. “You’re arrogant as ever Potter. Just know I didn’t come for you.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah Potter.”

“Well Evans if that were true you’d be paying more attention to the patient you’re currently drowning.” James said with the signature Potter Smirk™. Remus was, in fact, choking on the putrid liquid that Lily was still pouring onto his face.   

“Oh God Remus, sorry!” She began wiping his face with her sleeve as Sirius limped in, propped up by Peter. Remus blinked the burning image of Sirius’s body from his eyes as the black-haired boy limped into view.  

“Your mom went into the village ‘ _Jamsie_ ’” he said, his voice getting higher pitched and mocking with the last word. Lily snorted.

“Evans?” Sirius turned and stumbled. ‘What the fuck are you doing here?”

“ _I_ am healing Remus, that's what the fuck I’m doing here Black. So I’d be nicer to me if I were you and wanted some healing as well.”

“Language ladies and gentlemen!” interjected James jokingly.

“What would I need healing for?” Sirius asked, his brash voice and haughty head held high in defiance. Lily had the decency to look ashamed.   

“Black… Sirius... I, well, Potters mom told me what happened. She told me everything I mean,” She looked pleadingly at Remus when Sirius began glaring daggers.

“I’m so sorry she thought we were friends and she just sort of let it slip out. I… I’m so sorry Sirius.”

“About what? Nothing of your business Evans.” Sirius retorted, and she flared up at once.

“Yeah, well, Potter made it my business so _sit your ass down._ ”

“What?”

“You’re turning green you wanker!” She shrilled, and Remus saw it was true. Sirius was swaying where he stood.

“Remus,” Lily began barking orders, “Move your legs. Black - sit down. Pettigrew - your name is too long, get a one syllable one and a pitcher of warm water while you’re at it. And Potter - get bandages and then get out.” The boys did as she said without question, Peter actually cracking a smile as he slid out of the room. When James returned with the bandages however, he didn’t leave and instead settled himself in the corner. He watched as Lily worked, her hands flying as she bandaged and salved various wounds.

“Potter?”

“Hm?”

“Yes, I know you’re here. Do your parents have magic monitoring charms up around here?”

“Uh, no. They um… they take my wand during the holidays. So there’s no need.”

“Good then,” Lily said with a smirk. She continued to work, now muttering spells with her wand to accompany the potions she spread on Sirius’s arms and Remus’s fingers. When she was done she stood up and surveyed her work.

“Did I tell you guys that my sister locked me in our cellar for a whole day after she had poured a pail of spiders in there this summer?” Remus knew for a fact that she hadn’t - she never talked to them, but he kept quiet.

“She hit me too. Called me all sorts of things... but I never hexed her. And after Sev left she… she took all my school supplies and, well, I can buy new ones.” She held up a potions book with the words “WITCH BITCH” scrawled on it in red. James's face turned red with fury but Sirius just nodded. An incomprehensible look of understanding passed between them.

“Well Lily,” Sirius said. Remus didn’t miss his pointed use of her first name. “Families can be shit.”

“Shit.” she echoed. They smiled slightly at each other and Sirius shook her hand.

“Okay,” she said, snapping back. “You two need more rest. Come on Potter.” Lily grabbed her bag and strode out of the room. They heard her call from the adjoining kitchen,“‘Grew! Come outside with us so Potter doesn't come on to me!” Peter’s muffled voice yelled something that sounded like “like I could stop him” but Remus heard his footsteps trudging out the back door. The two others left the room as well, Lily flicking out the lights with her wand as they left.

“Sirius,” Remus whispered. All his fears and worries and pity had been channelled through the name.       

“I’m okay,” Sirius assured, “It looks like I’ve been disinherited though.” He chuckled bitterly, a humourless sound that made Remus cringe. He usually only heard Sirius's mocking laugh when he was taunting Severus, and once, after _the incident_ , directed towards James: the dry, brittle sound that puffed out of Sirius’s mouth in a short, loud outburst. He laid his head on Sirius shoulder, a tear tracking his cheek in the dark. Sirius stiffened.

“Sorry, does that hurt?”

“No I just-”

“Cause I could move-”

“Don’t you dare.” So Remus didn’t.

“Thank you Moons.”

“Yeah.”

“You saved my life.” Sirius said it like fact, but Remus thought the words held more meaning than he could understand. He felt the solid form of Sirius under his head and the warmth radiating from his body. Every time he closed his eyes he saw a burning outline blazing on the inside of his eyelids.

“What did they do to you?”

“What didn’t they do to me?” Sirius stated emotionlessly, until he felt Remus’s hand fly upwards to cover his gasp.

“Sirius? What happened?” And now Sirius could hear the tears in the Remus's voice. He felt immediately bad, he should have been more sensitive.

“They just didn’t take my leaving well. Remus, truly, I’m okay. I’m out of there now. Mrs Potter says I can stay here the rest of the summer. I told them where to stick it so my Aunt and cousins threw some curses at me but they’re all worn off, and my mom.. well… she fed me eventually.” Sirius reached out to touch Remus but thought better of it. Remus shuddered and turned his face more into Sirius’s chest. They stayed like that until Remus felt he could stand. He left the now-sleeping Sirius on the couch and walked outside.

He found Lily and Peter in the yard, stacking pebbles from the garden into intricate sculptures that Lily was freezing in place with whispered spells. They were chatting amicably and Peter was smiling in awe at Lily while she cast her magic. He moved to sit beside James.

“You’re awfully quiet Prongs. Lost your touch?” Remus asked, poking him in the side. James’s eyes bulged but he didn't move.

“Oh I hexed him. He was being annoying.” Lily stretched her toes into the garden dirt and checked her nails.

“Hm. Makes sense.” Remus ignored James’s pleading eyes and shifted over towards Lily.

“Thanks Lily.”

“Anytime.”

\---

Under unspoken agreement Lily stayed with them for the remaining two weeks of the summer. She refused to speak to James and Sirius for the majority of the time, but chatted so brightly with everyone at dinner that she instantly won over Mr and Mrs Potter.

“Uh, mom?” James asked once at dinner.

“Yes dear.”

“Why haven’t you taken away Lily’s wand? You took away all of ours.” He whined. Mrs Potter tutted.

“Because she’s a lovely, responsible young lady James. I trust her. Now stop complaining or it’ll be your broom next.” James sulked. Remus felt a spell whoosh past his knee under the table and James yelped in pain. Lily smiled sweetly.

“Thank you Mrs Potter!”

Lily had been sleeping outside in the garage, but the temperature had dropped too much so she moved into the guest bedroom with Remus on the last night.

“Uh, Lily, won’t it be kinda weird sharing a room?”

“Why Remus?” She asked, confused, lugging her suitcase behind her into the room and shutting the door.

“Well, cause.. Uh.. I mean they separate us a school and stuff.” Remus stuttered, but Lily just snorted.

“Drop the act mate. We both know you’re gay as shit,” she laughed, flopping down on the bed.

“What?”

“Wait you didn’t know I knew?”

“...”  
“By Merlin Remus… You didn’t know yourself?”

Lily dragged Remus onto the guest room balcony and swung her legs through the railing and over the side. She patted the spot beside her.

“Sit.” She commanded. Remus sat. Lily fumbled in her pocket and pulled out a pack of muggle cigarettes. She lit one with a wave of her wand and took a drag. The smoke poured out of her lips in a haze of purple shimmer. She grinned at Remus’s shocked expression.

“I charmed them. No nicotine, but lots of buzz.” She held out the cigarette. Remus took it and inhaled. The smoke filled his lungs and spread a vibrating warmth through him. He sighed, letting the vapor escape his mouth as he tilted his head back. He could feel a gentle buzz drifting over his mind, dampening his inhibitions as the charm took hold of his lungs and brain. The magic hummed in his chest.  

“You’re gay Remus.”

“How can you tell?”

“Because of the way you look at him.”

“Who?”

“I can’t tell you that if you don’t know already.” Lily remarked. But Remus knew. He knew. He knew whose touch made his blood boil, he knew whose hands and arms and chest and face made his mind reel, he knew who the only person was that he would allow to touch his scars, to call him “Moons.” He knew who he cared for most. He knew whose eyes he could look into forever while his heart did somersaults, and he knew the boy he would want to shove up against a wall and snog senseless. Lily took his silence as a sign of success and kissed the top of his head. She walked back inside the room to leave Remus to his thoughts. Remus sucked once more on the cigarette and looked out to the Potters’ back garden. He could hear the muffled voices of Sirius, James and Peter from the bedroom below, and he shook his head in defeat. He turned back towards the room, directing his comments to Lily, although he was more speaking to himself.

“He’s straight. And I’m his friend. And he’d never want me… I’m a monster.”

“You know at least one of those is untrue Remus.” Lily called back, changing into her pyjamas. “And you’re not a monster.” She winked at his confused expression and climbed into bed, turning towards the wall and smirking.    


	2. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Off to Hogwarts! Plot building, fun angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Legend:  
> \--- later  
> >>> forward in time/flash-forward or back to the present from a flashback  
> <<< back in time/flashback
> 
> Link to some personal headcannons for visualization/world building purposes: https://docs.google.com/document/d/11yPkxv5CkmZHilAM2SmXmfRWgTROF_V8QLC8aEkT1Kk/edit?usp=sharing 
> 
> FANFIC PLAYLIST: https://open.spotify.com/user/squint2squad/playlist/6bw3hIz6It1X6K91Aznlsg?si=8gyLyWoTTaa7CIzqEq0MBQ

###  **_Chapter 2_ **

_The Hogwarts Express (Platform 9 ¾) (again)_

_September 1, 1976_

 

“Now boys, and Lily, you know Fleamont and I are away for Christmas so we won’t see you until next summer. All of you I hope.” Mrs Potter said, herding the Marauders and Lily along the platform. 

Sirius tensed up, his eyes fixed on a point beyond Mrs Potter’s shoulder, and as everyone whirled around they could see why. Mrs Black and Regulus were marching towards the train. Something in Sirius’s eyes shattered as his mother approached, but before Remus could even twitch Mrs Potter was stepping in front of him and laying a protective hand on his wrist. Sirius used his other hand to rub a patch of skin on his neck that was still red from burns. Lily had been using healing potion every day but the burns came from magical fire so some of them were proving rather persistent. Mrs Black had a smile curling the edge of her lips, but her grey eyes were hard, staring determinedly at the place where Sirius would be behind Mrs Potter.

“Well tensions sure are _fiery_ over here.” the coldness in Mrs Black's voice cut through Sirius like a knife, and he saw Remus and James take a step forward, but his mother was already falling backward. Mrs Potter stood, wand outstretched, a red blush flushing her face and her robes askew.

“DON’T YOU DARE. DON’T YOU DARE TALK TO MY SONS LIKE THAT! You absolute fucking monster. Stay away from my sons, stay away from the school, and most importantly, stay away from _me._ ” Mrs Potter's voice was raised but incredibly steady. Other people on the platform were turning now, and several had already noticed the altercation. Mr and Mrs Shakerbolt has their wands drawn and pointed at the slouched figure of Mrs Black on the ground and the Prewett-Finnegans and Abbots were glaring in her direction as well, aligning themselves with Mrs Potter, hands on their concealed wands. Mrs Black picked herself up and gestured to Regulus with the unending amount of haughtiness that all Blacks seemed to possess. She walked past the glowering crowd and steered Regulus onto the train by his shoulder. Then, she turned on her heel and disapperated. The crowd moved again, the hustle and bustle of the platform returning as students began to board the train.       

Mrs Potter turned back to the boys with an unsettlingly cheery expression returning to her face. Sirius blinked back the tears of loss and gratitude threatening to spill out of his eyes. He had just permanently lost and then gained a mother in the span of 30 seconds. He couldn't bear the look of contempt in his brother and mothers eyes, but on another, deeper level, he realized he didn’t care anymore. The train whistle blew and Remus and Lily bolted, off to Prefect the first years onto the train. (Sirius always used Prefect as a verb, mainly because it drove Remus batty). Mrs Potter pulled Peter, then James and then Sirius into hugs, shuttling them towards the train doors. Sirius held onto the hug longer than the others, and before he pulled away he whispered, “Thanks mom.”

As they were pulling away from the platform, he saw tears streaming down Mrs Potter’s cheeks, a smile lighting up her face as she waved until they were out of sight. Remus joined them in their usual compartment. James was talking about something or other, seemingly explaining a plan of some sort, but Sirius eyes were locked on Remus who mouthed “you okay?” Sirius nodded. He had refused to talk about his disownment since the first night, but seeing his mother had shaken him. Remus opened his mouth to say something but just then James’s voice became panicked.

“Cause I think I actually have a shot and -OH SHIT here she comes, everyone BE COOL. ACT NATURAL! HOLY SHIT.”

Lily's blazing red hair and freckled face popped into view.

“SUP EVENS.” James was still shouting. “IF YOU WERE A DEMENTOR, I'D BECOME A CRIMINAL JUST TO GET YOUR KISS. WE WERE JUST PRACTICING LUMOS CHARMS. YOU’RE THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE! DAZZLING AS EVER, HUH?” James barrelled on. Peter had his head in his hands and Remus was plugging his ears. Sirius looked with horror at James. He was still talking. Eventually Sirius came to his senses and cast a silencing charm on his friend. He looked towards Evans apologetically but it was too late.

“Wow Potter, that was a new low even for you. Seems you haven’t changed.” She flashed them the middle figure and backed out of the compartment. James slid down the seat onto the floor.

“Natural.” Remus commented wryly.

\---

“Don’t make me give you guys detention already,” Lily snapped, popping her head back into the Marauders compartment. She smiled warmly at Peter before turning her glare on the others.

“Remus, you’re supposed to be patrolling with me.” She said sternly. Remus lept to his feet, eager to move away from the slumped figure of Sirius. He kept leaning on him and it was making his stomach twirl into knots.

“And the rest of you, stop releasing Doxies. I know it’s you.” She glared once more before disappearing with Remus. When they were gone Sirius opened his eyes.

“James?”

“Yeah?”

“Release the rest of the Doxies.” Sirius smirked. Teach Evans to steal away ~~his man~~ his friend.

Lily and Remus squeezed down the hallway as a swarm of Doxy wings buzzed behind them. Without halting their conversation they both sent Immobulus charms blindly over their shoulders, and a series of soft thuds proved the problem had been solved.

“So, Remus. How are you holding up?” She joked. 

“Fine Lily.” There was an edge to his voice.

“Hey don’t be pissy.”

“Don’t make this a joke!”

“It’s not!”

“Exactly.”

“And _I know that_ Remus.”

“Sorry I just…”

“Yeah I know.”   

Their conversations often went like this - sentence fragments that didn’t need to be finished because the other person was already two words ahead. Remus often thought he and Lily shared the same brain. He looked into Lily’s unforgettably green eyes. He could see why James liked her. She was impassioned, and feisty and kind, and her smooth red hair made the freckles that dotted her face and body pop, especially against her paper-white skin. He could tell she was conventionally beautiful but…

“What Remus? You’re staring.”

“I’m just thinking about how I’m not attracted to you. Oh fuck- that’s not what I meant I-” But he stopped his stuttering when Lily recovered from her shock and tilted her slim head back in a peal of musical laughter.

“I should hope not!” She snorted, “I’d actually be offended if you did considering how completely queer you are mate.”

“Still I just meant… I can see why Potter likes you, and I just. I don’t know. I get jealous of beauty sometimes.”

“Well you’re beautiful too Remus! Don’t sell yourself short. And hey, now you know you’re not bi!”   

“Bi?” Remus asked. Being sheltered and antisocial, he hadn’t heard the term before.

“Yeah. Someone who swings both ways. Gals and guys, ladies and gentlemen, chicks and di-” Lily rattled.

“OKAY EVENS I get it!” Remus snorted, and before long they were both laughing, slumping down the walls of the train until they were sitting on the sticky carpet. Lily held out her arms, and with a slight hesitation Remus embraced her back. She clapped him on the shoulders and rubbed his back. Her arms squeezed him, and he felt as though she was absorbing all his troubles through her palms. He hugged her in return, and then dragged her up.

“Oof!” Lily grunted as she ricocheted into the opposite wall. “Watch your own strength there Remus, you’ve still got some wolf in you it seems.” He looked down at his arms sheepishly.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay. I love you, you asshole.”

“Love you too.” Remus smiled. It was easy to admit, maybe because he was so comfortable with her.   

\---

“Can I ask you something?” She questioned him later in the Prefect compartment.

“Sure.”

“Why do you hang out with them? Potter and Peter and Black?”

“They’re my friends.”

“Yeah but why?”

“Because they were kind to me… The first year I came we all just… bonded together. And contrary to popular belief I _do_ like pranks and mischief and fun. A lot of the things you think are all James probably came partially from here.” He tapped his temple and Lily raised an eyebrow. “I will admit I don’t love how often we’re caught, but… there’s such a effing _thrill_ about it y'know? And they’re so, so fucking smart - honestly it boggles my mind. So we like to do magical shit, invent things.” He ignored Lily’s quizzical, disbelieving look and ploughed on. “I am not any fucking good at talking about my feelings Lils, you know that. But I feel so much with them. And I think _feeling shit_ is good. I couldn’t imagine Hogwarts without them.” He finished, but he still felt things unsaid. It was impossible for him to voice how appreciative he was of his friends. His heart yearned as he grasped at his thoughts at a rare loss for words. Lily saw the searching look in his eye and took pity on him.

“No- Remus stop. I understand. Well, I don’t. But I can see how much they mean to you, and that’s all that matters.”

\---

The four Marauders sat in their usual chairs by the window in the Gryffindor common room. Peter had snuck to the kitchen for snacks and drinks and a party was well underway. Everyone was in good spirits but Sirius was sulking. He stared at Remus flushed cheeks and non-stop smile as he chatted with Fabian Prewett, the no-good git. An unexplained fizzle of rage buzzed in Sirius’s stomach as he watched them talk. When Fabian placed a hand on Remus’s arm to pull him closer, the bit of anger exploded and Sirius’s hex was flying towards the 7th year before he was even aware of casting it. As he fled the scene of the crime he grabbed the arm of James, who was unsuccessfully attempting to chat up Evans, and pulled him up the stairs with a whisper of “I have something to tell you.”


	3. Crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is admitting something to James - but James already knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Legend:  
> \--- later  
> >>> forward in time/flash-forward or back to the present from a flashback  
> <<< back in time/flashback
> 
> Link to some personal headcannons for visualization/world building purposes: https://docs.google.com/document/d/11yPkxv5CkmZHilAM2SmXmfRWgTROF_V8QLC8aEkT1Kk/edit?usp=sharing 
> 
> FANFIC PLAYLIST: https://open.spotify.com/user/squint2squad/playlist/6bw3hIz6It1X6K91Aznlsg?si=8gyLyWoTTaa7CIzqEq0MBQ

###  **_Chapter 3_ **

_6th Year Boys Dormitory_

 

“James! Listen to me. I like blokes.”

“Oh! Well, Sirius that's… that's great! I’m so proud of you Sir-”

“That's not all.”

“That wasn't even your secret? Man what is with you?” James scolded, but he was smiling.

“I like someone. A friend - and I can't…”

“Oh goodness Sirius. You know that you're the most beautiful man I've ever met! But honestly, I don't think you could handle me. Besides I'm into Lily so…”

“WHAT? NO James it's not you!”

“...”

“Shut up Prongs.”

“Look, Pads sit down. I’ve known you liked guys since third year, and I know you’re head over heels in sexy male love with Remus. I know. But thank you, truly, for telling me.”

“Sexy male love?”

“Hey cut me some slack this is new for all of us”

“How?

  
“How what?”

“How did you know?”

 

<<<

How couldn’t he have known? James had tried to make Sirius realize he was in love with Remus for years, with no success. Both his friends were exceptionally smart except when it came to their unavoidable (and very obvious) infatuation with each other.  

 

**Fourth year-**

Sirius: “Remus is so great. He’s something else.”

James: (hopefully) “How so?”

S: “Well he’s super nice to me, he always keeps me company, makes sure I eat and stuff even when I forget… Also he helps me with homework and pranks. Plus that one time I fell asleep and he carried me to bed that was cool.”

J: (more hopefully) “Plus all the cuddling!”

S: “What about it?”

J: (defeated) “Nothing. You know what all that means right?”

S: “Damn he’s such a good friend!”

J: *groans in frustration*

 

**Fifth year-**

James: (suggestively) “Who’re you thinking about Pads?”

Sirius: “Remus. Do you think he’s eaten? He’s been in the library all day.”

J: “Ah yes, Remus. Your _friend_ , your _pal_ , your male buddy who you hugged for 20 minutes straight yesterday and stared at incessantly?”

S: “Yeah him. Think Peter’s eaten either?”

J: *groans with more frustration*

 

>>>

James turned to his dresser drawer and pulled it open. He withdrew a bound leather book and began rifling through the pages with a “shush” to Sirius’s raised eyebrow. He had been keeping this list for the very occasion when he would have to show Sirius the very obvious signs he had seen. Of course, he also had something for Remus, but that was another issue.  

“Am I finally seeing inside James Potter's diary? The one that is charmed to turn the hair green of anyone who tries to snoop?”

“It’s a journal.” James said amidst whispered counter-charms.

“It’s a diary James. It has your secrets inside.”

Sirius peeked at the pages flying by. He saw pages of writing, but more surprisingly, flashes of colour, the majority of them being a fiery orange - the very colour of Lily’s hair. James found what he was looking for and set the book in Sirius’s hands. Sirius glanced down and read:

 

Times Sirius was obliviously but completely into Remus

As noticed and recorded by one **James Potter**

  * Charms class: Sirius has been drawing constellations connecting Remus’s freckles on his arms. He didn’t notice how cute that is.    
  * Honeydukes: Remus sucked down an entire sugar quill and Sirius didn’t stop watching him the whole time.. It made the rest of us very uncomfortable.
  * Dorm room: Sirius has begun to wear Remus’s sweaters. He claims they make him “warm” but I know its cause they smell like Moony and they are too big on him so he can cuddle up in them
  * Dorm: 3 weeks later and there are now no boundaries between Sirius and Remus’s wardrobe. It’s become quite the issue.
  * Common room: Remus came down wearing a new pair of muggle “skinny jeans” and Sirius didn’t speak for 45 minutes
  * School grounds: Sirius saw Remus talking to Sally Cordmon and got so jealous that he threw a Quaffle at Remus’s head. He claimed no responsibility and spent the next half hour combing through Remus’s hair looking for a bump.
  * Secret passage: when Remus came up with the idea to prank Sprout and Sirius laughed it was the happiest I’ve seen him in months. But this is becoming a pattern.  
  * Everywhere: whenever Remus touches Sirius he tenses up but then he will do anything to keep the contact going.
  * Every few nights: when Sirius had nightmares Remus would let him sleep in his bed: I know Sirius hasn't had nightmares for years but he still crawls in there sometimes.
  * All the time: whenever Remus even looks at him Sirius will flush and his eyes go all soft. He is always looking towards Remus. When Remus laughs at his jokes he doesn’t stop smiling and he goes all dreamy whenever Remus is talking. It hurts my heart sometimes to look at him because he looks so happy but whenever Remus turns away his eyes go sad. Plus he’s super jealous and he’s already hexed 3 girls this week. I wish they would just bone already.



 

Sirius blushed a deeper and deeper red as he read further. When he read the last sentence he snapped the journal shut and whacked James over the head with it.

“Hey! Padfoot!”

“This is a massive invasion of my privacy.” Sirius accused, but James just snorted.

“Yeah, like turning my underpants blue and hanging them out the dormitory window?”

“Touche.”

Sirius and James sat cross-legged on James bed. James had charmed the curtains to solidify and cast ‘Silencio’. This was an old tradition they had: to isolate themselves and talk out an issue until it was solved. James remembered last year after _the incident_ how the four of them had pushed two beds together and stayed there for 3 days - him and Sirius an extra one after that (only emerging to grab sustinance from a pile of stolen snacks). Now Sirius sat, looking even more disheveled than he had then, his head leaning against the solid material. James fiddled with a piece of parchment on the bed sheet.

“You should tell hi-”

“Nope.”

“Sirius come on. I’m not kidding around here. Why don’t you tell him how you feel? What are you afraid of?”  

“A million things Prongs. He could like girls, he might not think of me that way, it could ruin our friendship, my self-sabotaging tendencies, my deep-seated fear of rejection, Lethifolds, and those really tiny metal things that Remus uses on his essays.”  

“Paperclips?”

“No, the angry ones that come out of a gun.”

“Staples?”

“Yeah those.”

“Well those last two are unrelated Sirius.”

“Yeah well I ran out of crush-related ones and I was on a roll.”

“So what would it take for you to tell him?”

“I don’t know James. I’ll tell him when pigs fly.” Sirius said, his head in his hands. James (who was already formulating other arguments) became confused, sputtered, and laughed.   

“What? Sirius that makes no sense.”

“It’s a muggle expression. Remus taught it to me-”

“But we can easily make pigs fly, I mean you just cast Wingardium Leviosa and-”

“Not the point James. It means something that will never happen.”

“But I just said, that could happen! You could also throw them out a window or-”

“Okay fine I’ll come up with my own impossible expression then… I’ll tell Remus how I feel if you get Lily to go out on a date with you.” He said teasingly, but James looked hurt.

“Hey! I’m making progress. She called me ‘James’ on the last day of summer!”

“No, she called you ‘Jamesie’ and she did it in the presence of your mother so you couldn’t jinx her.”

James fingers fiddled with the parchment. He held it up. Sirius recognized at once the pink burn marks around the outside.

“No James - even we agreed it's too mean to make Snape promise to flash everyone in the Great Hall using that thing.”

“It’s just a charmed piece of parchment Pads. The means are entirely different here!”

“Well what are you suggesting we do with a promise-binding piece of parchment then Prongs?”

“Make a promise! If I get Evans to go out with me, then you have to tell Remus that you like- no… you have to kiss Remus!” James wrote this on the paper as he spoke - the words glowing and shifting. He signed his name below. He looked up at Sirius expectantly.

“Oh come on Pads, if you’re so sure it’s impossible than what’s the harm? Besides, the worst that’ll happen if you don’t is the parchment will multiply and scatter itself all across the grounds.”

“Oh, well, then I’m glad the stakes are low,” Sirius drawled, rolling his eyes. But he picked up the quill James held out and signed his name. Sometimes it was just easier to agree with James before he started talking more. Besides, there was no way James could ever get Evans to go out with him in a million years.  

 

**_If James Potter ever gets Lily Evans to agree to a date, then the undersigned Sirius Black must kiss Remus Lupin (because he loves him) within 4 hours of Lily's agreement. Signed:_ **

James Potter   Sirius Black 


	4. Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> OOOH boy things are getting real cliche real quick! Lily and James are coming up with a plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Legend:  
> \--- later  
> >>> forward in time/flash-forward or back to the present from a flashback  
> <<< back in time/flashback
> 
> Link to some personal headcannons for visualization/world building purposes: https://docs.google.com/document/d/11yPkxv5CkmZHilAM2SmXmfRWgTROF_V8QLC8aEkT1Kk/edit?usp=sharing 
> 
> FANFIC PLAYLIST: https://open.spotify.com/user/squint2squad/playlist/6bw3hIz6It1X6K91Aznlsg?si=8gyLyWoTTaa7CIzqEq0MBQ

###  **_Chapter 4_ **

_The Hogwarts Library_

 

“Evans! Just the brilliant witch I was hoping to see to brighten up my day!”

“You want something Potter. What is it?”

“What makes you think I want something?”

“Not sure, maybe the _everything_ about your current demeanor?”

“Fair enough. You know Remus right?” James cringed at the stupid question. Lily just raised her eyebrows.

“Tall? Brunette? Sometimes kinda furry?”

“Shhhh!”

“Oh come off it Potter, we’re in an empty library. And I’m trying to study so _what do you want_.”

“I want to get Remus and Sirius together.” This declaration was met with a gasp from Lily. She dropped the quill she was holding and looked up at him, a small smile curling her lips. James tried not to stare at her mouth, although, he thought, it was rather unfair that she was allowed to wear such distractingly beautiful red lipstick.

“How are you planning on doing that?” She asked, trying to hide the twitch of intrigue she felt. James shuffled his feet awkwardly.

“Can I sit?”

\---

“Nope.”

“Evans please-”

“I can’t believe you Potter.”

“It would be _fake_ Lily! Please.” James reached out for her hand but thought better of it. The use of her first name didn’t go unnoticed. She chewed on her cheek thoughtfully.

“They might learn something from it.”

“How do you mean?” James’s heart leapt excitedly.   

“I mean that we could model a relationship for them so they’d maybe get the hint… you know, the flirting, the lead up, and then the date proposal!” Lily gesticulated with her hands. James loved when she did that, her arms always flailed around excitedly when she felt she couldn’t execute her point dramatically enough with words alone. It had become dangerous to sit near her in potions class lest you risk losing an eye.

“So… you’ll do this? For Remus of course.”

“Yeah.. but just run stuff by me first.. Like before we do anything.”

“Of course.”

They spent the next hour devising a ‘natural’ timeline of events culminating in a dramastic ask-out in a week (before the first Hogsmeade visit). Lily found herself laughing at the easy jokes James cracked, surprised that he could be quite charming when he wasn’t preoccupied with being an asshole. She was surprised even at herself for agreeing to this idiotic plan, but she so  badly wanted to make Remus happy - she pushed aside any other reasons she may have had for saying yes - she wasn’t ready to admit some things to herself yet. James was shocked at how easy it was to talk to Lily. It was really just like talking to his friends, and she was surprisingly silly considering how often she would verbally combat him with her seemingly endless vocabulary. He had always viewed Lily as a bit prudish (no matter how wonderful she was), but when she countered his “how do you know what dogging is Evans” with a retort of “I learned it from your mom you wanker” he questioned how he hadn’t fallen in love with this girl sooner.

\---

_The Great Hall_

 

That evening at supper the Marauders were sitting halfway up the Gryffindor table (as usual), with Sirius and Remus together on one side, legs touching (as usual) and Peter and James on the other. James was talking (as usual). Lily took a deep breath and approached James. She tapped him on the shoulder.

“Can I sit?”  
“Course Evans.” Ignoring the dumbfounded looks from the other three boys, Lily stepped over the bench and sat down, shifting so her knee was close to James’s. She looked up at Remus and Sirius, who were doing nothing to hide their confusion. Remus raised an eyebrow. Lily smirked. Remus privately thought he should patent her smirk as well, it was nearly as cocky as James’s.

“So as I was saying-” James launched back into his impassioned breakdown of the previous afternoons Quidditch Cup semi-finals, and the other three boys went back to feigning interest. Throughout the meal, Lily would chime in when it felt natural, but she didn’t want to monopolize the conversation, the plan wouldn’t work if everyone hated her. At one point, she leaned over and whispered in James’s ear, making him chuckle. When James stood up to leave the table first, he gripped her shoulder.

“Bye Evans, Moony.” He said, departing with Peter and Sirius. They had agreed it would be too suspicious to spend any more time together on the first day. Remus looked pointedly at Lily.

“Lils. What the fuck was that about?” He asked in disbelief. Lily shrugged.

“All my friends graduated last year. I need someone to sit with at meals.”

“You’re friends with Marlene. And Alice.”

“Marlene never comes down to dinner and Alice is dating Frank.” Lily countered. Both true, but if she really had her way she would eat up on the Astronomy Tower with Marlene like she did when she was watching the grounds and charting. But Remus didn’t need to know that.

\---

The next few days passed with a great deal of confusion for Peter Pettigrew. His friends were all acting very odd (odder than normal) but no one was talking about it.

On Monday James was dressed for Charms on time - strange in and of itself, but made even stranger by the fact that Lily was waiting for them by the portrait hole. When they went to sit down in class, Peter suddenly found himself without a desk partner as Lily settled herself beside James with an apologetic glance towards him. Then Remus asked him to sit with him - even stranger (because everyone knew Sirius and Remus always sat together). Peter then found himself in a desk custody battle over the next few periods, being bounced between Remus and Sirius who both seemed eager to claim him - he thought to himself that they were probably taking pity on him because he had fallen down the moving staircase that morning, but if that were the case then why did Sirius and Remus sit separate in the common room?

On Tuesday things were normal, always a bad sign in the land of the Marauders, and Lily was ignoring them as usual. Peter wondered if this was a tactic to lull him into a false sense of security, a lead up to some sort of massive prank.

Wednesday was a day full of anxiety for Peter. He was on high alert for any prank planning between his friends, but they didn't seem to be plotting anything. Everyone was actually _avoiding_ any form of eye contact or physical touches between them. Any time a glance was shared between Sirius and Remus they would both blush and look away, and although James was staring at Lily (like usual), she was actually looking back sometimes, causing both to become flustered and search for another person to look at. Most of the time this was Peter. He had already had multiple uncomfortably intimate staring sessions with both James and Lily, which he appreciated but they also confused him - why was he suddenly receiving so much attention?

On Thursday when Sirius and Remus woke up (in Remus’s bed, so all was normal there) Sirius had some sort of panic attack and launched himself onto the floor. Comfortingly, everyone else seemed just as perplexed as Peter about that so hopefully he wasn't missing anything there.

On Friday James and Lily sat separate from them at lunch. Peter wanted to talk about how weird that was, but the other two boys barely said a word to each other or him throughout the meal. Afterwards Sirius practically dragged James to the common room, and after some unspoken agreement, Lily and Remus walked out to the lakeside together. How strange! Peter thought he was definitely missing something.

\---

_Under the old willow by the Black Lake_

“I think I might die Lily”

“Oh no! How ever will I speak at your funeral? I'll be in such grief.”

“Grieving is for the weak.”

“No, _pining_ over a boy as arrogant as Sirius Black is for the weak.”

“You're one to fucking talk!”

“Oh yeah?”

“James? Lils, cmon, if we're talking arrogance that's who you should be concerned about.”

“Who said I'm pining?”

“I do! You guys are prancing all over each other.”

“I believe we were talking about your death? Can we get back to that please? I very much would like to be there to witness it.” The coy look in Lily’s eyes told Remus he would have no luck if he tried to push the James issue further. He lay down on his back on the grass and sighed. Eventually he relented.

“He's just so _close to me_ all the time Lily! I mean I can't stop myself from-” he buried his face in his hands. _Touching him. Snogging him. Anything,_ he thought. But too scared to voice these desires, he left the sentence hanging above him in the air. Lily pulled it down and took pity, finishing the unspoken declaration of longing.

“-liking him?”

“Well no shit. I'm all flustered, all the time. This is honestly the most overwhelming cacophony of emotions I've endured in my short, miserable, fucking life.”

“Well at least we’re not being dramatic.” Lily settled herself down on the grass beside him, crossing her legs and spreading out her tulip-patterned skirt in a fan.

“Accio record player” Lupin raised his wand in the general direction of the Gryffindor tower.

The bulky object came zooming towards them, and Remus reached up his arms to guide it to the grass between them. Another wave of his wand and the player began to spin, emitting the eclectic voice of David Bowie. Both Remus and Lily loved muggle music, so when she’d snuck her record player in last year they worked together to charm it so it worked inside the castle. Although muggle objects usually went haywire within Hogwarts, Remus had discovered just the right balance of magic and muggle to get it to work.

Lily twirled her wand between her fingers. She then pointed it up at the willow tree branch above them (the particularly large one that draped into the water and cascaded behind them, obscuring the view of the castle and sheltering their chosen basking place). A small twig with sprigs of leaves detached itself and floated down a few feet above their heads, Lily making it do figure-eights in the air. With a flick of her wrist, the leaves turned to flame: soft orange and contained, the flames each flickered separately along the unaffected stick. With another wave of her wand, the flames solidified back into leaves, but they retained their texture, giving the stick the appearance of a fire stopped in time. One by one the leaves gently detached, each modeling a particular curl of fire, and quietly poofed into a haze of orange that was whisked away by the gentle breeze. When the final leaf had been freed from the twig, it fell and hit Remus in the nose.  

“Ah! Ouch! Shit Lils!”

“Sorry,” she grimaced, “Still working on that part.”

Remus rubbed his nose, but he didn't really mind. He loved watching Lily do charms. Unlike potions, where if the instructions weren’t followed to a _t_ you would end up with an exploded cauldron and boils in places boils shouldn’t be, charms allowed for infinite creativity. What often frustrated James and Sirius about magic was that they couldn’t always make it do what they wanted (for example, conjuring an elephant/food/new pants from nothing, allowing them to fly, or that one time James had attempted to use Accio on Hogwarts) - but Remus understood they were trying to use magic the wrong way. The capabilities of magic weren’t limitless, but they were _endless_. And one witch who knew how to harness it was Lily Evans. Lily manipulated magic in ways Remus couldn’t even comprehend. She would bend and shape her own magic and the magic around her into new and beautiful things, but she would never force a charm where it didn’t belong. Lily would use the natural balance and chaos of her surroundings to mold a new meaning for objects and for life - channeling the magic through herself and her wand. She could listen to where the magic could and wanted to go, and would help guide it and shape it into her own art form, using the folds of the enchantment to insert her own twist into the spell. Lily had effortlessly (and somewhat unintentionally) been casting non-verbal spells since her second year, something that impressed the other students to no end. Remus let out a defeated sigh.

“Remus, you just need to act yourself around him. Be normal! You guys have always been easy together - just keep that up and soon enough you'll know what he's thinking.”

“Lily I doubt he even thinks about me…”

\---

 _The Gryffindor Common Room_    

“Fuck James, I can’t stop thinking about him!” Sirius whined. He was laying on the couch, an arm draped (dramatically) over his face. James was sitting on the windowsill, his snitched Snitch buzzing around his head. He barely suppressed an eye roll. James knew that Sirius would never confess his feelings to Remus unless under threat of death (or baldness - but both were equally catastrophic to Sirius). For such a ridiculously talkative drama queen, Sirius was remarkably good at hiding his true feelings.

“Just be yourself mate (this was the agreed-upon course of encouragement by James and Lily; the thought being that Remus and Sirius being themselves would always drive them towards each other), if you stop thinking about this and pretend to be normal, things will be normal before you know it.”

“Did you seriously just call me normal?”

“Definitely not mate, I would never!”

“Because I-” Sirius began, standing up and puffing out his chest “Sirius _Orion_ Black, am _anything_ but normal. I am a gorgeous, magnificent creature and I am honouring you with my presence!” Sirius was in his stride now, tossing his hair and strutting across the room. As Remus and Lily climbed through the portrait hole he continued his self-indulgent tirade.

“The beauty and grace of moi has been enjoyed by countless lovers!” Sirius winked at James, who snorted in derision. Remus snickered.

“Jealous Moons?”

“No, actually I pity him. Anyone who has had to suffer through a whole _one minute_ of your-” He was cut off by the pillow Sirius threw at his face. Before Remus could retaliate, the two were distracted by Lily walking over to the window where James was sitting and settling down across from him. Exchanging quizzical looks, they sat themselves on their usual couch.

“Ugh, this potions essay is kicking my ass.” James moaned.

“You should have already finished it you git.” Remus waived off his complaining as he fished a book out of his bag.

“Lily, would you mind helping me? Please?” At James’s words, Sirius choked on air. He had never heard James speak so politely to anyone, let alone Evans.

“Sure.” She smiled softly. James watched her as he shifted so he was on the loveseat next to her, Lily tucking a loose piece of her hair behind her ear as she leant over his essay. They worked in hushed tones for a few minutes, as Remus read and Sirius pretended not to watch them while he worked on his own essay.

Without thinking, James reached out and re-tucked the wisp of hair that had fallen back in Lily’s face. She inhaled slightly and blushed, but the corner of her mouth twitched upwards.


	5. Flirt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jily! Some Jily getting together and mutual pining. This was the funnest (?) chapter for me to write so far. I'm almost out of pre-written chapters, so PLEASE COMMENT telling me what you want to happen and it might just!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Legend:  
> \--- later  
> >>> forward in time/flash-forward or back to the present from a flashback  
> <<< back in time/flashback
> 
> Link to some personal headcannons for visualization/world building purposes: https://docs.google.com/document/d/11yPkxv5CkmZHilAM2SmXmfRWgTROF_V8QLC8aEkT1Kk/edit?usp=sharing 
> 
> FANFIC PLAYLIST: https://open.spotify.com/user/squint2squad/playlist/6bw3hIz6It1X6K91Aznlsg?si=8gyLyWoTTaa7CIzqEq0MBQ

###  **_Chapter 5_ **

_ The steps of Hogwarts  _

Sirius was staring. He was staring at Remus. Sirius was staring at the sun-dappled face of his best friend, who, incidentally, happened to be the most beautiful person on the planet: Remus. They were sitting one step apart on the large stone staircase leading up to the front doors of Hogwarts. James and Lily were below them, their fingertips touching. Sirius wished he could keep his eyes from wandering to Remus, but it was so hard when his eyelashes kept fluttering and his nose kept twitching and his hair was being tousled by the slight breeze. Sirius loved how the taller boy’s appearance reflected who Remus was inside: sharp, witty, golden, and a little bit scarred. His gaze drifted past the chiseled jaw of Moony to the couple several stairs below. Lily had now hooked her pinky over Jame’s, and in a move so smooth that Sirius took mental notes, James scooted over to point out a sentence of her book, and in doing so, slid his other hand completely over hers. 

Lily stuttered. She knew the big “ask out” was coming sometime tomorrow, but she was becoming more and more flustered every minute, and she wasn't sure how much longer she could stand this confusion. The sun was setting, casting an intense orange glow over the castle and signaling their clue to leave. She took a deep breath as they stood up, hands entwined. She thought this part was going to be unspeakably strange and awkward, but as she leaned over to James she found herself not dreading the next scheduled show of attraction. Sirius and Remus gasped aloud as Lily laid a kiss on James’ cheek and then quickly walked away. James brought his hand up to his face and smiled. Then he turned to his friends with a triumphant smile. 

“Merlin's pants! This is the greatest day of my life!” James exclaimed. Remus merely smiled and gave James an enthusiastic - if somewhat doubtful - thumbs up. Sirius felt a pit of uncertainty in his stomach. Was he going to have to go through with this? He stood up as well and suddenly felt himself being tackled. Remus yelled in his ear and his stomach twisted - suddenly they were both hurtling towards the surface of the Black Lake.

          When Sirius resurfaced he splashed around, flailing. Remus broke the surface of the water beside him, still yelling. 

“SIRIUS!!” 

“Moons! Moons calm down!” Sirius treaded his legs and reached out for Remus’s arm, steadying him in the water. 

“Sirius?” 

“I'm right here. What's going on Re?” Sirius kicked them over to the shore and knelt in the shallow water, still gripping onto Remus’s shoulders.  

“Moons! Tell me what's going on! Did you just apparate?” 

“I thought-” Remus’s breath hitched as he ran his eyes over Sirius’s face. “The sun, behind you it made it look like you were-” he took another shuddering breath. 

“On fire.” Sirius finished. He drew Remus in for a hug, and they stayed that way until the others found them. 

\---

_ Gryffindor Common Room _

“You didn't splinch yourself, so there's some good news.” James commented as they warmed up by the fire. 

“Sorry.” Remus said again, but Sirius merely slung an arm over his shoulder. 

“Don't be. Besides if I were on fire you would have saved my life… again. So I should be thanking you for being my personal firehose I think.” Sirius said. Peter snickered at this. 

“Wormtail maybe you need hosing down? I suspect you haven't gotten wet in your life.” Sirius sneered, poking Peter in the shoulder good-naturedly. Lily, who had walked over to them, paused at the comment. 

“Okay, as someone who just heard the tail end of that conversation I am going to put that in the little box in my brain I labelled ‘things I never wanted to hear’ and move on.” 

“Funny Evans, I put everything you say in that box!” Sirius snapped back. 

“Are you sure your brain is big enough for all that? I mean with your ego and all I’d think you wouldn’t have time to listen to anyone besides yourself. So why don’t you go insult a Hippogriff because that’s gonna be a warmer reception.” 

“Wow Evans, I should start taking Felix Felicis in the morning so I don’t have to run into you.”

“Oh but that would be a gift to me! Could you possibly?”

“You know Evans you put the ass in ‘I’ll pass!’”

“Ooh I least I have one! If you were ever lucky enough to see one I’d do the impossible and stop being better than you.”  

“Okay guys, that’s enough,” James interrupted. Sirius and Lily looked towards him, puzzled. 

“What?”

“Stop it! If Lily is going to hang out with us more often I can’t have you two hating each other.”

“I don’t hate Black.”

“I don’t hate me either.”

“Twit.”

“Shut it Evans you know I don’t hate you.”   
“I do, but James hasn’t figured that out. Idiot.” 

“Oblivious!” 

“I’m right here!”   

“You don’t have a sibling Potter, you won’t get it.” Lily commented, patting James on the shoulder. She sat down beside him and swung her legs over his. James turned red. He held his arms awkwardly hovering above her legs, afraid to relax lest he touch her. She leant over and whispered in his ear. 

“Potter, we have to make this convincing. Come on, you’ve been waiting for this for years. Relax your arms, I’m good.” She smiled at him encouragingly and leaned back against the arm of the couch. He draped his arm over her knees - met with raised eyebrows from his friends. James was really going to miss this when their little charade was over. He lifted a hand and collided with Lily’s in mid-air, she had also been reaching out to hold his hand. As they entwined fingers, Lily noticed that this week may have been the first time she’d seen James smile genuinely - she liked it much better than the Potter Smirk™ - it was warmer, and it lit up his eyes (which were a lovely shade of chocolatey brown, her brain reminded her, but she pushed the thought aside).

\---

_ The Great Hall  _

Lily paused in the entrance to the Great Hall. She wiped her palms on her dress, then gave up and stuck them in her pockets. She took a deep breath and walked over to the Gryffindor table. She’d known this day was coming for the whole week, but it was much easier to face when the words “James kisses Lily and asks her out on a date - she accepts (obviously) and our friends are happy” were written on paper, and not staring her in the face. Literally. James and her had met nose-to-nose in the middle of the Great Hall. Lily’s heart began to beat faster. She knew that James was definitely planning something huge, dramatic, embarrassing, and most likely public for the big ask-out, but she wasn’t expecting it to happen so early in the day. 

James was sure it couldn’t be his imagination that the whole Great Hall had gone silent. Lily was sure it wasn’t hers: the entire hall had turned their attention towards them, out of the corner of her eye she even saw the teachers at the table halt their conversation. She laid a hand on his chest. 

“What are you doing?” She whispered.

“Walking to the lou! I didn’t see you coming.” He whispered back, quietly enough so only she could hear. He was looking down at her, breathing shallowly.  

“I’m a bit distracted.”

“Me too.”

“So… this isn’t the moment?”

“No!”

“Then why haven’t you moved yet?”

“Why haven’t you?” 

At those words, Lily dropped her hand, and the two side-stepped each other to continue on their respective ways. The surrounding students let out a collective breath. There were some quiet groans - McGonagall slid 2 Galleons across the table to Sprout. Fabian Prewett began dolling out knuts to the Gryffindors that had gathered around him (he was referencing a piece of paper in front of him labelled ‘ _ Lames Betting Pool _ ’). Lily settled herself beside Peter, ignoring the shout of “get it together guys” from somewhere along the table. Her hands were still sweating. 

The day proceeded to unfold with a great amount of anxiety for Lily Evans.

In Transfiguration James stood up suddenly in the middle of class and Lily’s heart skipped a beat. It turned out that he just needed to stand because Peter had turned his shoes into porcupines instead of the porcupine on his desk into a loafer. 

In potions, they were brewing Alihotsy Draught which required sliced dates. The opportunity for a horrific pun-turned-date-proposal was all too high, and every time James asked for an ingredient Lily would go still. But the class ended with no interruption.  

During lunch the Great Hall was unusually quiet again, and Lily got the feeling that everyone was watching her and James as they ate, but she needed to run off early to Herbology which she hoped dashed any plans he had for anything food-related. 

In Herbology the Venomous Tentacula wrapped itself around James’s ankle and sent him sprawling at her feet - she was honestly surprised when this didn’t result in James declaring that he had “fallen for her.” 

By the time Arithmancy had come around she was beginning to get frustrated. James had to be purposefully torturing her at this point because the day was almost over, and his opportunities for a large audience were dwindling. Unusual for him, he hadn’t glanced her way for the whole day, he seemed to be determinedly avoiding her eyes. His fists were clenched as if he were building up courage - this thought struck fear into Lily’s heart. Anything that required courage from the boy who had once run completely naked through the entirety of Hogwarts (while being chased by 7 suits of armour, 3 teachers, and a particularly angry Filch) was not a good sign for her. She buried her head in her hands- whatever this was, she was never going to live it down. 

The four Marauders (and Lily) met up in the alcove beside the Great Hall - they always 

did this - James said it was to ensure Peter hadn’t gotten lost between Divination and dinner, but Lily suspected it was so the four of them could always make their (usually overly dramatic) entrance together. Their reputation as the most popular foursome in Hogwarts wouldn’t be as strong if it weren’t for their iconic, head-turning (and somehow slow motion?) appearances at dinner. When Lily strolled up to the four of them James grabbed her wrist. She looked up, and he met her eyes for the first time that day. If Lily didn’t know better she would think he looked nervous. 

“Lily, can I ask you something?” He said it softly, carefully, only loud enough for Lily and his friends to hear. Both Lily and Sirius went pale. 

“Yeah, sure.” She fought to keep her voice casual. 

“Um… I’ve had a really great time hanging out with you these past few weeks. And during the summer and stuff.” He closed his eyes, trying to steady his shaking voice. Lily squeezed his hand.  

“And I was wondering, if you would maybe like to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend. As my… uh… as my girlfriend?” He said the last part very quickly, and averted his eyes to the floor. Peter audibly awed. Sirius and Remus were staring, both dumbfounded, and Sirius in outright horror. Lily took a step closer to James.

“Here? You’re asking me here?” 

“Yeah.” James sounded even more nervous. “It didn’t feel right doing this in front of people.”

“Your friends are right there.”

“They don’t count.”

“Hey!”

“Be quiet Peter!” This last exclamation was said in unison by James. Lily, Remus and Sirius. 

“Potter… I want you to look me in the eye and tell me this isn’t real.” Lily said this in a whisper so quiet even James could barely hear it. He looked back at her, but his eyes were broken, desperate.

“I- I can’t.” He choked out, ashamed. But Lily sighed in relief and smiled, so suddenly that it caught the others off guard. 

“What the fuck is happening?” Remus yelled, as a smile began slowly spreading onto James's face as well.    

“In that case Potter, of course I’ll be your girlfriend you idiot!” Lily grinned. When James leaned in slightly, she hesitated. 

“I mean... we’ve kept them all waiting long enough haven’t we?” She asked slyly, but James blinked in confusion. She smiled wider, her eyes burning, and pushed him in the chest. He staggered backwards until he was standing in the middle of the doorway to the Great Hall. Lily closed the distance between them in three strides so they were both framed in the entranceway - and then she kissed him. She kissed him with the force of 6 years of “I hate you” and 4 years of “but you’re super cute” and 3 years of “okay maybe I don’t hate you” and 2 years of denial and a year of “I like you” and a week of “I love you.” By the time the Great Hall (and Peter and Remus) had erupted into cheers, James was kissing her back. He had drawn his arms around her waist to pull her into his chest, because after all those years of animosity he needed her to be close so he could believe it was real. James kissed her back with the passion of infatuation and admiration and discovery and crushing and friendship, and it wasn’t enough - because now that he had kissed her he knew he would never want to stop. Because kissing Lily was much like everything else he loved about her: it was overwhelming, beautiful and very,  _ very _ fiery. By the time the cheers had turned to catcalls, they had pulled apart - their eyes had yet to leave each others stare. Then James turned and bowed to the jeering students, grabbing hold of Lily’s hand. She rolled her eyes, but the grin on her face proved she wasn’t really annoyed. The two of them passed through the Great Hall to their spot at the table, James giving high fives along the way, and Lily signing imaginary autographs. When they sat down (still holding hands), Fabian stood up and threw a whole sachelful of knuts into the air in defeat. 

“Look I can’t keep track of it all! Take your fair winnings people - and there’s a hex on it so don’t try filching more than you bet.”

As students (and teachers) stood up all around them to begin collecting bets, Lily and James turned beet red. James thumped his head onto the table.

“Was is really that obvious?” He moaned into the hard tabletop. 

“Afraid so,” Lily cupped his cheek in her hand. “But hey, we’re 10 galleons richer now!”

“WHAT?” James demanded. He turned in disbelief as Travis Abbot slouched up to Lily and handed her a stack of coins. 

“Thanks Travis! Told you it would take him 6 years.”

“I should have known better than to bet against someone whos actually involved in the bet.” He mused, trudging back to his table looking defeated. Lily turned to James apologetically. 

“Sorry James, I just thought any opportunity to get money out of Travis…”

“You are going to buy me so much stuff with that money.”

“Deal.” Lily agreed, pulling his face towards hers. And they kissed again.


	6. Game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hate this chapter. It turned out crap, but I didn't want to write it again because its all anger and angst. I hope it moves the plot along anyway, and there is some good moments in there! (please still read it lol)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Legend:  
> \--- later  
> >>> forward in time/flash-forward or back to the present from a flashback  
> <<< back in time/flashback
> 
> Link to some personal headcannons for visualization/world building purposes: https://docs.google.com/document/d/11yPkxv5CkmZHilAM2SmXmfRWgTROF_V8QLC8aEkT1Kk/edit?usp=sharing 
> 
> FANFIC PLAYLIST: https://open.spotify.com/user/squint2squad/playlist/6bw3hIz6It1X6K91Aznlsg?si=8gyLyWoTTaa7CIzqEq0MBQ

###  **_Chapter 6_ **

_ Gryffindor Common Room _

“Sirius what’s going on? You practically ran away from dinner.” Remus questioned when the remaining students had returned to Gryffindor tower. It was the first long weekend of the year so the Gryffindor students were joined by a number of 6th and 7th years from the other houses. Sirius was still pale and standing in the middle of the circular room. He was holding his wand and looking manic.    

“Who wants to play Circle of Charms?!” He yelled, still seeming quite flustered. The surrounding students looked at him warily. Living at Hogwarts meant learning very quickly that any plan spontaneously suggested by a Marauder should be treated with a great deal of caution. 

“C’mon I’m not up to anything. Let’s get this party started! Frank, Alice, Peter, Dirk, Avery, Mary, Remus, anyone else! Come sit.” Sirius pointed as he rattled off the names, and with a few shrugs (what else was there to do) the aforementioned and a couple of others arranged themselves in a circle in the middle of the room. After Lily had shuttled the younger kids off to their dormitories and returned with her record player, the remaining students began settling themselves around the room to chat and watch the game, cheering when the Prewetts returned with armfuls of nicked butterbeer and Firewhiskey. Sirius placed his wand in the middle of the circle, pointing towards him. 

“So we all know the rules, but just in case you don’t, here they are.” He grabbed his wand again and flicked it into the air. A glow expanded from it, hovering in the air to display luminescent writing. 

**CIRCLE OF CHARMS**

(A game designed by the Marauders)

**Rules:**

-spin the wand

-if the wand lets out blue sparks, the person it’s pointing at gives you a dare

-if the wand emits pink sparks, you kiss the person it is pointing at 

-if you fail the dare or chicken on the kiss, you must suffer a random hex 

\--that’s it dummies 

Sirius set his wand in the middle again, he spun it, if possible going even paler. It stopped pointing at Remus (it had been charmed to do so) but a shower of blue sparks later and Sirius was un-kissed and wearing one of Mary's skirts. Lily had immediately refused to give a skirt and then proceeded to lock herself and James in the girls dormitory (apparently the stairs wouldn't turn into a slide if the male was accompanied), but Mary was able to summon one of her own. Amongst many jeers, Sirius stripped off his jeans and pulled the skirt on, parading around the room for good measure. No one, especially Remus, wanted to admit to themselves how much he pulled it off. The game progressed with exponentially more embarrassing and foolhardy dares and infinitely more disgustingly sexual make-out sessions until it came to Remus’s turn. He glanced around the circle. Mary had a large bump on her head from when she and Anella had bumped heads going in for a kiss, Frank was nursing a sprained ankle from trying to enter the girls dormitory, and several others were sporting various hex effect and dare-related injuries. The tall Ravenclaw girl (who Remus has decided he hated) was still blushing from her recent snogging with Sirius. Remus rolled his eyes, honestly what was she so gushy about? 

Remus spun the wand with his characteristic eye roll. It stopped pointing to Sirius (again, Sirius had charmed it beforehand) and a shower of pink sparks shot from the tip. Both boys let out a laugh that sounded genuine to everyone but each other (being friends with Peter meant you had to perfect a realistic pity laugh very quickly). The drunken students around them cheered, picking up the popular chant of “Snog! Snog! Snog!” With an alarming amount of grace for someone who had downed two bottles of Firewhisky, Sirius rolled into the center of the circle (the designated kissing location). He donned his signature cocky smirk and raised eyebrow, disconcertingly changing his nervous attitude into the swagger of never-ending Sirius Black charisma. Remus also scooted towards the middle, but with a lot more unasuradeness. He had managed to avoid kissing anyone thus far, and would have preferred to keep it that way - especially since he was now facing the prospect of kissing Sirius, in an entirely unappealing situation. Why would the universe choose to torture him in this way? Allow him to snog the boy he liked but only in the middle of a drunken game with 30 people watching… great. 

Sirius was drunk. He wasn’t tipsy, or buzzed, or slightly out of it, he was 2 Firewhiskeys and now-have-to-kiss-my-crush-and-pretend-it’s-nothing  _ sloshed _ . His brain wasn’t quite working at full capacity, so as much as Sirius wanted to enjoy the following event, his brain was processing things more along the lines of:  _ Lean in, smells nice, warm? Move lips. Vision is blurry, close eyes. Loud cheering. Open eyes?  _ And suddenly the world was very very small, and there were red spots framing his vision, but in the middle of the mist and pounding noise there was the very clear figure of Remus, very close. His eyelids were fluttering, and they were kissing. It wasn’t great by any standards, and yet there was an electricity bouncing between them, both charged with an energy from shuffling along the carpet and from the desire they were both secretly harbouring. Only their mouths were touching, but Sirius found his hand moving of its own accord to touch Remus’s face, but then the freckled, sandy-haired Remus-shaped blob of colours in front of him pulled back slightly, and let out a small puff of breath that brushed over Sirius’s mouth, and he fell over. Later he would claim this was from the Firewhisky, but it was in fact because he had never felt anything so tantalizing in his life as that single breath against his own gasps. And then, everything went wrong. 

Sirius was lying on his back on the floor, amidst the raucous laughter of the common room (and Remus himself), when glowing letters appeared above him.

Bet fulfilled: Sirius has kissed Remus

There was mild confusion from the surrounding circle, but then Mary posited it was probably a mistake in the magic of the game and the wand had thought that it was a dare instead of a kiss. (When any dare was completed the wand would emit more sparks and the words “dare fulfilled” would hover in the air.) Everyone was so drunk and hysterical that this was immediately accepted and the game continued, but Remus’s shoulders had tightened. Face hardened and set, he scooped up Sirius from the ground. 

“Peter, will you help me get Sirius to bed?” Peter frowned at his tone, he had never heard Remus with so much bite in his voice when he wasn’t talking to Snape, but he nodded and helped Remus, leaving the party behind them as they supported Sirius up the stairs. 

 

_ 6th Year Girls Dormitory _

Lily and James were laying horizontal on Lily’s bed when the words appeared above them. Lily headbutted James in the nose as she sat up. 

“Shit! James look.” She pointed. He turned, still rubbing his injured face. 

“Ouch Lils, what?” He saw the glowing letters and went pale.

“Do you think…?”

“I assume it appeared above Sirius too, so yeah, I think he saw it.”   

“Bloody hell.”

“Shit.” As Lily covered her head in her hands, James got up and headed towards the door.

“James? Where are you going?”

“To talk to Remus.”

“I’m coming.”

“Lily, no this is-”   
“Both of our faults? Yeah I agree.”

“Are you sure?”

“Potter, quit being so daft, of course I’m sure. I mean Merlin’s pants just accept I’m in this too you git.” Then she kissed him on the cheek. Thoroughly flattered but also very confused, James followed her. With a private grin, he figured that he was never going to fully understand Lily Evans, a prospect he found both enjoyable and intriguing. They met up with the rest of the Mauraders on the stairs. By the look Remus gave her, Lily knew he could tell they were involved. Her stomach dropped to her toes, his eyes had been dark and betrayed. When they arrived in the boys room Remus ungracefully dumped Sirius on the bed and then turned to the rest of them. 

“I need to yell at you all right now, but first we need to do something about  _ that _ .” He pointed at the barely stirring figure of Sirius on the bed. Lily sighed, pulling a vial of brown liquid from her skirt pocket. She put it into Sirius’s hand.

“Black, this is Pepperup potion with a few drops of anti-poison concoction. It will sober you up, but it’s not going to be pretty, you’ll need to do this in the bathroom.” 

“I’ll help.” James volunteered. He dragged Sirius to the washroom and shut the door. Lily sat herself on the windowsill, and Peter sat himself on his bed. He had absolutely no idea what was going on, but it seemed dramatic, so he stayed to mediate. From his best estimate, Remus was very angry that someone had bet Sirius to kiss him, and from the guilty looks on Lily and James’s face, it had been them. Or maybe Remus had poisoned Sirius. To the soothing sounds of Sirius retching in the bathroom, Remus paced the floor, avoiding eye contact with Lily who was desperately trying to catch his attention. Her eyes were teary. By the time the other two boys emerged from the bathroom, Remus had worked himself up into a frenzy. Sirius hated that he looked cute when he was angry: face flushed, hair rumpled, eyebrows knit together. 

“Okay, first of all - WHAT THE FUCK?” Remus yelled. Everyone flinched, it was very uncharacteristic of him to yell. 

“Remus the bet was between me and Sirius! If I could get Lily to go out with me, he had to kiss you. I was just trying to motivate myself I'm sorry!” 

“But you knew about this?” Remus pointed at Lily. 

“James told me.” She managed, it wasn't a lie, but the full truth wouldn't be helpful here. She wiped her eyes. “Remus we didn't mean any harm I’m sorry!”

“But which one of you assholes actually made the bet?”

“Me and James,” Sirius said from the corner. 

“Don’t  _ you  _ even fucking dare talk to me,” Remus growled. He felt a burning anger inside of him. How could James and Lily think manipulating his emotions like that was okay? And what did it say about how Sirius felt about him that he was willing to kiss him only when bound by a stupid bet - one that he agreed to because he thought so little of Remus?

At this moment, Peter threw up, and the subject was dropped in order to tend to him. While the others were turned away, Remus shut himself inside his bed with the curtains drawn. James and Lily exchanged looks before she went downstairs to shut down the party. Sirius also sulked his way into bed, refusing to respond to James or Peters pleas to talk to them. James lay in his bed later, staring at the ceiling of his 4-poster -  _ how could things have gone so wrong _ ?


	7. Angst

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know you've stopped reading the notes (and probably the story) at this point. Where should we go from here?

###  **_  
_ **

It took 4 days until Remus made up with Lily. All it took was her to corner him by the Black Lake with her hands on her hips. She gave him one look. A look that conveyed:  _ I know I hurt you. But I'm too awesome for this shit and you know it. Sorry mate, but get over it.  _ And he smiled at her. They summoned the record player and sat in silence for an hour. When the record scratched to a halt, Lily held out her arms for a hug. Remus accepted, and shushed her whispered apologies. 

“Lily, we have literally the same brain so I understand what you wanted to do. I'm not mad at _ you _ .” 

“I love you Remus. We’ll figure this out.”

It took 5 days for Remus to forgive Peter. All it took was for Lily to assure him that Peter really was as clueless as he was letting on. 

It took 10 days for Remus to forgive James. It took four bars of Honeydukes chocolate and an hour long apology (partially done in sonnet until Remus stopped him). But Remus wasn't upset at James anymore - he knew James wasn't aware of the depth of his feelings for Sirius, plus his constant whining was becoming annoying.   

It had been 25 days and Remus hadn't forgiven Sirius. Remus wasn't sure why he was still ignoring him. He was pretty sure the desire to keep shutting Sirius out came from a place of pure spite - plus he knew Sirius would do the same thing, they were a dramatic bunch after all. But a part of him missed Sirius. 

This part of him missed the way Sirius would comb his hands through his hair while Remus was reading, the way he would smile with all his teeth when he was around the Marauders. He missed his leather jacket, and he missed the way Sirius would pick up his clothes on the floor and wear them the next day. Nowadays his sweaters and skinny jeans lay in piles around the floor, untouched and cold. He missed ow Sirius would call him “Moons,” he missed his long hair that he let Remus braid, and the notes they passed each other in class. He missed how Sirius would crawl into his bed in the middle of the night, he missed the pressure of Sirius’s body against his own, the arm he would sling across Remus’s waist, and the soft tickle of breath against his neck that would lull him into unconscious. He missed being able to look at him, touch his arms, make him laugh. Remus missed Sirius. He was still upset at him of course, but he couldn’t bring himself to speak to Sirius yet. Plus, a small, unidentified part of him was relieved that he had one last person to burden with his secret and with his existence. Sirius wasn’t making a move to rectify the situation, and the tiny, dark spot in Remus’s brain kept telling him this was because Sirius didn’t want to make it up to him. 

Sirius Black was miserable. His entire chest felt like it was collapsing in on itself, leaving an empty shell behind. Sirius felt hollow, like he was missing an organ, or more accurately: missing a boy. There had been a part of his life for the past few weeks that had felt cold, dead, empty. He longed to be able to cuddle up next to Remus again, be able to hear his voice, feel his touch. He was scared that he had finally messed things up for good - even after the  _ incident  _ Remus hadn’t shut him out so fully. Every time Remus sat apart from him in class a bit more of him shut down. He wished so badly that they would be close again, not just physically but emotionally as well, and when Remus sat with Lily during charms that day, more of Sirius’s soul dripped out of him like ink from a quill. He felt as though one more second of not being able to inhale Remus’s warm scent of tea would break him down forever. 

On day 26, Remus was late for Transfiguration. This was so unusual (in times besides the full moon) that Professor McGonagall didn't realize it was time for her to begin teaching. Remus has been hiding in the library to keep himself from Sirius, who had been eating lunch in the Great Hall. When he realized what time it was he ran at full speed, hurtling through several secret passageways in his dash to the classroom. By the time he staggered in the door, all the seats were full except one: the bench beside Sirius was empty. 

After a brief but intense inner battle, Remus sat down beside Sirius, trying not to hate himself for the way the other boy tensed up when he sat beside him. Sirius’s heart was beating so loud he was sure the entire class could hear it. The fact that he could smell the scent of peppermint tea again for the first time in a month was making his head spin. His hands itched to reach out and stoke Remus’s sweater. Suddenly his entire body buzzed, his face burned, his stomach threatened to leap out of his belly - every fibre of his being was screaming at him that if he didn't touch Remus  **right now** , he was going to die. So he did. He slid his hand out under the desk and found Remus’s fingers with his own, brushing the tips of his fingers over calloused knuckles. For some reason he thought this would help, but of course it wasn't enough. Instead of being satiated, the raging monster inside of him only wanted more. Remus had tensed up beside him, so Sirius grasped his hand in his own. 

“Please don't let go,” Sirius whispered towards Remus, surprising himself with the amount of desperation that laced his plea.

Remus didn't think he could let go of he wanted to. He hadn't realized how much anxiety had been building inside him until it all rushed out at the touch. He squeezed Sirius hand, but then he felt the fingers slide away from his own. A rush of sadness overtook him as Sirius stood beside him, but then a whisper in his ear and a hand on his back calmed his beating heart. 

“Come with me.”

McGonagall frowned as the two boys stood up and rushed out. She was used to the Marauders causing havoc, but it wasn't often they quietly slipped out with no to-do. She made a mental note to take house points later, but because Remus was involved decided to let it go for the time being. 

Sirius led Remus into the secret passageway behind the patch of particularly mischievous wall in the hallway beside the Transfiguration classroom. Remus’s heart was beating fast. He hadn't taken a breath since Sirius had whispered to him: he had just gotten up and followed without thinking. He still wasn't thinking. And suddenly he was pressed against the wall.

Sirius had one hand on the side of Remus’s face, and the other on his side, and his whole body was pressed against the taller boys - he could feel every point of contact between them. 

“I missed you.” He whispered this directly into Remus's face, his eyes downcast. Remus made a strangled sound in the base of his throat. Their eyes met for a long moment, too long, long enough that eyes turned to reflecting pools, unfathomably deep and rippling with stars, galaxies, desire. Sirius could feel every millimetre of space between their lips, there was barely room for breath and yet it was till too much. 

“I fucking missed you too,” Remus gasped. And then Sirius finally got close enough. Close enough to encase Remus’s lips in his own. Close enough to taste tea and chocolate. Close enough that they were kissing. It was less of a kiss and more of a spiritual experience, Sirius decided. It was warmth, fire, flying, Honeydukes candy, sneaking off school grounds, sarcasm and windstorms. He pressed Remus against the wall, hands wrapped around his shoulders now. He pressed his lips more firmly into Remus’s. Neither of them had really moved or tilted their heads, just sort of pushed forward so their lips were against each other. Their teeth grazed and Remus shoved forward, sending Sirius crashing into the opposite wall a foot away. 

“What the hell was that?” Remus’s face was flushed. Sirius shrugged, his inner beast screaming with delight. 

“A snog” 

“No shit? Why. Who dared you?” 

“No one. I told you I missed you.”

“And I said I missed you.” 

They stood in silence for a few long seconds, Remus’s outstretched arm keeping Sirius against the wall. He took a step forward, smirking as Sirius’s breath hitched when he came closer. He hummed under his breath. 

“This'll be fun.” 

He slammed Sirius against the wall again (okay maybe he was still a little pissed) and leaned forward, smiling right up against Sirius's mouth and barely grazing their lips again. And then he was gone. Sirius walked in a haze back to Transfiguration and sat back down beside his suspiciously nonchalant deskmate. He only snapped out of his daydreaming when James and Lily started flinging their perfectly transfigured pinecones into the back of his head. 


	8. Love

Lily walked up behind James and slid her fingers into his. 

“Merlin's pants! You scared me!”

“I think our friends are hooking up.”

“Who? Marlene and Dorcas? Fabien and Amia?”

“Wait, Fabian and Amia are together?”

“Well I caught them on the astronomy tower-”

“James why were you on the astronomy tower? 

“I wanted to see how far it was to the ground.”

“It’s 22 meters.” 

“How do you know that?” He asked incredulously. Lily swung around so she was walking backwards in front of him. She winked. 

“I’m a woman of great mystery James. You still have a lot to learn.” 

“Can’t wait.”He stopped walking, forcing her to stop too, pulling her forward into a kiss. Some Slytherins hissed as they jostled by. 

“Get out of the way hobgoblins!” The large Slytherin who had yelled suddenly sprawled to the ground. James looked up quickly at Lily as he pulled them to the side of the corridor. His eyes were wide. 

“Lils, that wasn’t me I swear!” 

“I know.” She smirked at him. Her wand was at her side.  

“Holy harpies, I love you!” He grinned at her. She opened her mouth, but he was panicking now. He hadn’t said that yet. He scrambled in his pocket. 

“I, uh, I charmed this for you. I know you’re always losing your, um, hair ties, so I put a homing charm and an accio hex on this white hair thing, um, so it’ll return to your wrist if you drop it. I just wanted to give you something, because I  _ like you,  _ like a lot, I really enjoy spending time with you, and I don’t want you to hate me again-” he hadn’t taken a breath yet. Lily slid the white scrunchie over her wrist, Jame’s fingers still hooked in the elastic. She flattened his hair.

“I love you too…” There was a pause. She kissed him on his (still very stunned) lips. 

“...you idiot,” she added affectionately. James slid his arms around her waist as she pulled her hair up into a ponytail. He caught a whiff of flower shampoo and singed hair from a minor potions incident this morning. He drew her closer. 

James and Lily had kissed 63 times since they began dating. Not that anyone was counting, except they both were. There was some disagreement early on because James's counted head kisses and cheek kisses, but Lily didn’t, so she said his count was inflated from the real number, which was 34. But he didn’t really care, because each time Lily kissed him, any thought of numbers, disagreements, breathing, air, space, time, and reality slipped from James’s mind. Kiss number 64 (or 35) was in the corridor between classes, they were late already, but they still stood there until long past the footsteps of the other students had receded. Kiss number 64 was slower, sweeter, and felt to James like the entire world had slipped away, replaced instead with him, and the girl he loved, and a white scrunchie, and the scent of flowers. Kiss number 35 was more tender, and felt to Lily like a new chapter of her life had just opened before her; a blurry image suddenly a very clear picture of her, and the boy she loved, fighting, surviving, and loving together. James mumbled something into Lily’s mouth, causing her to splutter. 

“Ahh that tickled! What?”  

“Which friends did you think were shagging?” 

“Seriously Potter? That’s what you’re thinking about right now?”

“Damn I downgraded from ‘I love you’ back to ‘Potter’ in, like, 5 minutes. That can’t be good.” She punched his shoulder lightly. 

“You’re fine. But I was thinking it was Remus and Sirius.”

“What? But they’re still fighting?”

“Are you kidding me? They totally made up in Transfiguration! I bet they hooked up.”

“Nah!”

“Why not?”

“Cause Remus is going to play hard to get.”

“How do you know?”

“Well he’s a massive flirt, for one.” James said. Lily chuckled in agreement. James dropped his bag at his feet and pulled out a leather-bound book. He rifled through the pages. 

“Woah another relationship step in the span of one conversation! First a declaration of love and now I get to see inside my boyfriends diary?” 

“It’s not a freaking diary! It’s a journal damnit!”

“James. It has a lock on it. It’s a diary.” Lily smirked as James dropped the detached lock into his bag with a slight scowl. He found the page he was looking for and turned the journal/diary towards her.  

 

Times Remus was a massive flirt, to the point where everyone notices but him - and a few times he did it on purpose 

As noticed and recorded by one  **James Potter**

 

The recent entries read: 

  * Remus and Sirius are still fighting, so Remus has taken to sitting with Perry Stelman in the common room to make Sirius jealous. When I asked him about it he denied that’s why, but he only talks to Perry when Sirius is around, and he always checks to see if he’s looking. They’re both being so stupid I don’t think either of them is aware of what they’re doing. 
  * Remus has mastered the art of combining a subtle blush with nerdy confidence and a fair amount of eyelid fluttering to hit on guys. He tilts his head so his hair falls to one side, and stand very close to people. Honestly I think it’s all a bit much but Sirius can’t stop staring so I suppose he’s doing something right.   
  * Remus has really embraced his new sexuality with a quiet gusto. He unabashedly flirts with everyone on the quidditch team in front of Sirius. I think it’s kinda cruel, but then again. Sirius had been a proper git recently. He keeps touching peoples biceps. He’s snogged two of the Hufflepuff chasers too. 



“ It’s a work in progress.” James said, pointing to the space he had left for future entries. “-cause I know he’s going to do it on purpose now, if he hasn’t been already.” 

“It’s kinda creepy James.”

“Hey! I like observing things.”

“I’ve noticed. I think it’s cute for the most part, but if you start tracking peoples bathroom habits I’m staging an intervention.”   

“Mmhmm. I love you.” He whipped out the Potter Smirk™, knowing it would leave her flustered. It did, but she recovered quickly when she saw a glimpse of colour in the book he was stuffing back into his bag. 

“Halt! What’s that?”

“What’s what?” James feigned innocence, but the blush creeping up his cheeks and ears gave him away. Lily laid a hand on his wrist and slipped the journal/diary from his fingers. She opened it at random and gasped. 

“James..? Did you draw this? It’s beautiful. It’s… me.” She asked this in hushed tones, as if speaking louder would disturb the figure on the page. She traced her fingers over the face in the diary staring at her - it was like looking into a mirror made of stained glass. She flipped through the pages, she was everywhere, but there was also pictures of Sirius, Remus, and Peter, landscapes of the grounds, magical creatures, and other students in the school, all in beautiful kaleidoscopic colour. James scratched the back of his neck sheepishly. 

“Yeah, sorry. I know this is ‘creepy.’” 

“No, James. This is wonderful. I love you.” She cupped his face. “I’m gonna put this up by my bed!” She said excitedly, carefully tearing out the full-page portrait of her.

“Okay now that’s creepy.” 

“Eh, but you love me anyways.”

“I sure do.” 

\---

After the initial time he said it, James Potter couldn’t stop telling Lily how much he loved her. He had been waiting years to say it, so damn it if he wasn’t going to get good use out of it. 

In the Great Hall, shouted from the Gryffindor table to Professor McGonagall: “Hey yo Minnie! Guess what? I love Lily Evans!” 

In the middle of a Quidditch game, having flown over to the commentators platform and wrestled the microphone from Casey Abbots hands: “I LOVE YOU LILY! Also Gryffindor just scored a goal, nice one Shakerbolt!” 

In the Gryffindor common room: “Hello there Remus, Sirius, Peter! Also hello Lily, I love you.”

In the library, right before he was forced to sprint away to avoid the wrath of Pince: “THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE EXPRESSES HOW LOUDLY I LOVE YOU!” 

In Charms, struggling with a paper bag of squirming somethings: “I charmed these beetles to fly into the shape of a heart because I LOVE Y- oh shit.” 

Although outwardly embarrassed, Lily secretly loved it. After so many years of being told by her sister that she was hated, after so many years about being ashamed of who she was, after the  _ mudblood incident _ , it was nice for someone to be declaring their love for her as if it were a source of pride instead of shame. She too told him often how much she loved him, but it was usually uttered in between kisses, written down and tucked into his hands, his bag, his pockets, whispered into his ear. James loved this just as much. After so many years of public dispute with Lily, Snape, teachers, Slytherins, it was wonderful to have small, private moments that were only for he and Lily. James didn’t need to prove to sceptical classmates that Lily loved him back, because he knew she did, and that’s all that mattered.   

\---

While the James and Lily (secretly dubbed “Lames” by the entirety of Hogwarts) love-fest was unfolding, there was also a rising tension between other students in the school, leading up to the second Hogsmeade weekend of the year, incidentally on the day of the Venus Solstice (a Wizarding holiday celebrating love). The Venus Solstice only came around once every 31 years, and because the whole town of Hogsmeade was transforming for the event, many people were scrambling to find dates for the upcoming weekend. 

Frank Longbottom, who had been dating Alice for half a year now, still asked her with a note of apprehension in his voice if she would come with him. She accepted with a great deal of bravado, and the surrounding students showered them in a celebratory rain of golden sparks. Peter was able to work up enough courage to ask Marlene to go, and Lily asked James by way of a fantastic, yet horrifying indoor fireworks display, leaving Sirius and Remus as the only two without dates. The two of them hadn’t spoken about the kiss since it happened, but had returned to being friends, or at least, that’s how it appeared. 


	9. Secret

Over the past week, while constantly dodging the barrage of love coming from ‘Lames,’ a more subtle battle of affections was raging between Remus and Sirius. Or more specifically, Remus was waging a war of complete confusion and unexplained flirtation, juxtaposed with a frightening normalcy, against a thoroughly flustered Sirius. Remus would touch his arms, his back, wink at him behind his friends, all so quickly that Sirius wasn't quite sure it was real. Remus would stare at him incessantly, making Sirius blush, and then feign ignorance of Sirius tried to bring it up. And he was  _ flirting. Remus Lupin was flirting with him.  _

“Come over here and make me Black.”

“Oh Pads you couldn't handle me. I'd like to see you try.” 

“Prove it.” 

The phrases rang in Sirius ears, clattering around and distracting him from things like thoughts, and life (which was a pity, because his life had suddenly become so tantalizing, what with all the times Lupin had licked his lips) and, oh shit - whatever question James had just asked him. 

“Uh, yeah. Sure James.”

“Okay, so I’ll meet you in the abandoned charms classroom at midnight,” James said, and then he was gone before Sirius could ask what the hell he had just agreed to. 

 

_ The Abandoned Charms Classroom _

_ Midnight  _

 

Sirius transformed back into a human in a dark corner of the classroom. James was nowhere to be seen, and neither was the invisibility cloak, so Sirius had snuck down to the meeting place in his animagus form. 

“Hey.” It was Remus, sitting cross legged on a desk.

“SHIT! You scared me Moons!” Sirius’s heart was racing. Remus didn’t apologize and instead slid off the desk with a smirk. He sauntered over to Sirius, not breaking eye contact. Sirius suddenly felt like he couldn’t remember how to breathe properly. Remus was very close to him. And then he slammed Sirius back against the wall, a bent forearm keeping him in place. Since when had Moony gotten so damn strong? Sirius reached a hand up to feel Remus’s bicep (okay maybe that wasn’t the smoothest move but he honestly couldn’t help it) and Remus blushed. He stepped back quickly, tucking his arms behind his back. 

“Sorry.”

“What? No, I-” Sirius was cut of when they heard footsteps approaching. And soon Peter transformed before them, followed quickly by the footsteps entering the room. 

James threw the invisibility cloak off of him and Lily. Sirius was very confused, why was Lily here? Lily seemed just as confused. 

“James why are all of your idiots here? You know when you said “Hey Lils I have this invisibility cloak and I thought we could use it to sneak out of the dorm tonight” I wasn’t picturing this.” 

“Hm are you sure Lily? You can’t tell me it doesn’t look good.” Teased Sirius. His snarky remark was met with an abandoned inkpot zooming towards his head. He ducked it with a laugh.

“Shut it Sirius. What is this about?” She questioned, mainly directing her question at James. He took a shuddering breath. 

“Lils. As you know, Remus here is a werewolf.” Remus waved. “And so for a few days a month, he has to be alone in the Shrieking Shack, or, at least he  _ would _ , if the three of us hadn’t… hadn’t…”   

“Become Animagi?” Lily finished in a shocked whisper. 

“Yeah! How did you know that, that’s really creepy.” James asked, dumbfounded. 

“Peter turned into a rat behind you.” James turned around. It was true. There was a faint pop, and Peter returned. 

“Sorry James, I thought that was our cue!”

“NO! The cue was when I actually finished the sentence! UGH! You’ve ruined everything, can you just - UGH! Fine, we’ll just go from there, okay.” 

Lily used her wand to casts golden bulbs of light into the air. She stepped back. Sirius, James and Peter lined up in front of her, there were three faint pops and suddenly -

 

<<<

_ The Shrieking Shack _

_ November 1974 _

A rat, a dog and a stag were standing before him. Was Remus dreaming? But no, the dog had turned back into Sirius, who was now kneeling down facing him. 

“Look I know you’re going to hate us cause it’s “against the rules,” but Moons, we love you okay, and you don’t have to fight this alone anymore.” 

“I… I don’t hate it. Th- Thank you.” 

The rat ran up his arm and scurried into his coat pocket. Remus laughed. He stood up and stroked the side of the stag, who bucked his antlers in appreciation. James transformed back with a grin, as the brown dog (that was Sirius) bumped his head against Remus’s hand, clearly wanting affection. 

“I don’t know what to say guys.” 

“Don’t say anything Moony. You don’t have to. We know”

“But, this is still -”

 

>>>

 

“-totally against the law!” Lily shrieked. “How have you not been arrested?”

“Eh, Minnie kept the Ministry off our backs, she didn’t turn us in.” Sirius (now human again) shrugged.

“That is… so impressive.” Lily’s mouth was still open, her eyes fixed on the large stag standing before her. Prongs was stomping his hooves, clearly eager to show off for her. He transformed back into James and offered his hand. 

“To the grounds, m’lady?” She accepted his hand with a disbelieving smile and followed him, turning to the others on her way out. 

“A longer conversation is coming in the future you guys,” She chided, “And also… good work.” Peter scurried after them, most likely headed back to Gryffindor tower. And once again, Sirius and Remus were alone. Remus made a move to leave, but Sirius made a sound. It was supposed to be Remus’s name, but he couldn’t quite manage anything comprehensible. Remus turned, his face aglow with a golden light that softened his jawline and made his dark freckles pop off of his skin.  _ Merlin, he was beautiful.  _ Sirius stuck his hands in his pockets to give himself something to do. Of course the thing he wanted to do was kiss Remus again, but for some reason he was worried Remus wouldn’t kiss him back. Maybe all the flirting was only in Sirius’s head, maybe Remus pinning him against the wall was from anger and not from… whatever this exhilarating combination of pining and longing and crushing that was squishing his heart like a vice. Remus blinked once, long and slow, and Sirius stared at his long eyelashes, the way they framed his swirling moony eyes (which were much too attractive to be called grey. Sirius preferred “silver: like a moonbeam trapped in a goblet over deep water”, but that was too lengthy, so ‘moony’ could encompass all the beauty held within them), and his heart skipped another beat. How had he not gone into cardiac arrest at this point? 

Remus too, was staring. He was staring at the way the golden orbs in the air seemed drawn to Sirius. How every light in the room seemed poised to flatter his high cheekbones, full lips, braided hair. For someone who wore so much black, it was amazing how much light constantly radiated from Sirius Black. When Remus looked at Sirius’s face, he knew that any second spent not kissing him was a second wasted. He took three steps forward. This was close enough to reach out a hand and touch Sirius’s face. Sirius exhaled in a soft puff, a gentle sound escaping him in an exclamation of all the things he couldn't say. Remus slid his hand down Sirius’s jaw, fingers dancing behind his ear, along his cheek, the side of his mouth, tracing invisible drawings with his fingertips, cold against Sirius blushing face. Sirius shivered. Remus pulled him in and kissed him. He hadn't meant to do it, he was planning on teasing Sirius some more, but when the glowing golden boy had made  _ that sound _ , the one that built in his throat and sounded like an invitation, the soft whistle of a tea kettle, laughter and sunlight and wanting,

Remus couldn't help it. He wrapped his other hand around the back of Sirius’s head to draw their lips together. Again, not the world's best kiss, and yet this kiss was the world. It was frantic, and they shuffled back and forth, half dance, half struggle. Remus was taller, and despite Sirius’s Quidditch strength, was able to back Sirius against a desk. Remus stopped his attack on Sirius’s chapped lips to take a much needed breath of air, and in doing so, realized that all the glowing golden orbs had gone out. Sirius gasped in front of him, drawing Remus’s attention back to the boy he was still holding down. His hands had migrated to the crooks of Sirius’s arms, pushing him down into the desk. Remus glanced down at Sirius’s swollen lips.  _ Oops.  _

“Moons-”

“Shhh!” Remus covered Sirius mouth with his hand. “I hear Mrs Norris.” 

Said cat darted into the room, mewling loudly. 

“Fucking shit on a shit,” Remus cursed. 

Sirius used Remus’s momentary lapse in concentration to escape from his grasp and scoop the invisibility cloak off of the floor. He threw it over himself and Remus ducked under it as well, the two of them sprinting all the way back to Gryffindor Tower, dodging Filch on their way down the corridor. 

\---

They kissed three more times that week. 

  1. Remus lagged behind the rest of the group walking from Charms to Herbology. He dragged Sirius into a hidden passageway and snogged him senseless until the bells chimed for next class. Remus miraculously made it in time. Sirius was late. 
  2. Remus was going up the stairs to the boys dormitory and met Sirius on the way down. Sirius kissed him in the curve of the stairs hidden from view until they heard footsteps approaching. Sirius went up and Remus went down. They both had to pretend that's when they meant to do even though Sirius’s jacket was still in the common room and Remus’s Arithmancy notes were still on his bed. 
  3. They were the only two left outside on the steps. This was on purpose. Remus was cleaning up the sandwich he had ‘dropped’ and Sirius needed to retie both his shoes… twice. When the doors closed behind Lily, James, and Peter, they both surged forward. Remus backed Sirius against the doors, and the kiss only ended when Remus’s foot slipped and he fell down the stairs.



The weekend arrived, and with it, a fervor for the upcoming Festival so sickly sweet that it had even infected McGonagall, who wore a small heart pin on her hat in the closest McGonagall ever got to celebratory attire. In an unprecedented move, all years were being allowed to go to Hogsmeade (under teacher supervision), meaning the only two not planning to go to the village that evening were Remus and Sirius. 


	10. Kisses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience guys! As you can tell I don't have a consistent upload schedule because I basically just write when I am inspired and have the time! There's a good mix of angst, melancholy and sweet in this chapter. Keep watching for the next chapter which is going to be a big ol' sappy fest...

Sirius was still very confused. Were he and Remus together? Or were the increasingly more frequent make-out sessions some sort of prank? Or a mutual friend-zone style ‘this-feels-so-good-but-means-nothing’ meaningless hook-up? There was only one way to find out in Sirius’s mind. Remus had always been a jealous person. Of course Sirius was as well, so he justified his actions by the way Remus had exploited his own feelings earlier. He waited until Remus had entered the common room to enact his plan.

“Hey Marlene, Lily.”

“Sup loser.”

“Hey dickwad.”

“Lily can I have a minute alone with Marlie here?”  

“Yeah whatever Sirius, I have to go make out with James anyways.”

“That’s manky Lily, have some self respect.”

“You’re one to talk prat, I’m assuming you didn’t come here to have a sophisticated chat with my beautiful friend.”

“You know it’s right what they say, you are the brightest witch in our year.”

“I’m a brighter witch than you, ya pansy.”

“HEY TOSSERS! Am I getting that minute with Black or not?” Marlene demanded. Lily rolled her eyes, tousling Sirius’s har before she turned and skipped up the stairs to the boys dormitory. Sirius turned to Marlene with a crooked grin.

“How’s your year been Marlene?”

“Shut it Black, are we making out or not?”

“Yeah.”

Marlene rose, throwing her arms around Sirius’s neck as she pulled him in for a kiss. She whispered against his lips.

“Shuffle to the left.”

“What?”

“Black, Remus can’t see you here. Shuffle to the left.” She mumbled this, using her body to guide him into a more central position in the common room, making sure to angle Sirius’s head so that he was clearly visible to Remus, who was seated in his usual armchair by the fire. And then she leaned in further so they were making out in earnest. Sirius was a good kisser. It came with practice of course, but he knew exactly how to move his head, had mastered the push and pull of lips, the subtle tug of hair, the use of tongue and teeth. Marlene didn’t mind  too much being used to make Remus jealous (yes, Sirius _was_ that obvious), not when her head was fuzzy and her lips were burning and her heart was beating in a rush of excitement. She pulled back for a breath, and noticed Remus hadn’t glanced up from his book. She giggled loudly.

“Sirius!” She laced her voice with flirtation, grabbing fistfuls of his air and tugging. He grunted. This sound brought Remus’s eyes up from his reading.

“Now,” she commanded, tilting in again.

    Across the room, Remus’s vision went red with fury. He heard blood pounding in his ears. The book he was holding crashed to the ground, his fingers grabbing onto the arms of the chair, knuckles white. Why was Sirius macking on Marlene? Sirius was _his._ The rush of animosity that boiled his stomach towards Marlene surprised even Remus. He had always liked her, and yet if he had his wand right now, she would have been hexed into the next year. He tried to calm the swell of emotion with a deep breath, but as this sound was echoed from across the room, Sirius tilting his head back for air and then continuing to- _oh hell no._ Remus was moving. He grabbed the collar of Sirius’s jacket and dragged him out of the portrait hole. Sirius winked at Marlene as he was being hauled away, and she gave him an enthusiastic thumbs up in return, dabbing at her lipstick with her sleeve.

Remus didn’t stop walking until they had reached an abandoned alcove. Sirius looked around curiously.

“Where the heck are we? How have I never seen this place before?”

“Because this is the study hall corridor Pad- Sirius.” Remus grouched. Sirius cocked an eyebrow.

“What's with the formalities Remus?” He leaned effortlessly against the wall, infuriatingly cool for someone who had just been dragged down three flights of stairs with the disastrous grace of a wounded Eurumpet. Remus ran his hands through his hair in frustration, his face red.

“Why were you kissing Marlene?”

“I wanted to make you jealous.” Sirius deadpanned this. He hadn't fully intended to say this so soon into the conversation but he was still a bit woozy from a nasty spill he had taken while Remus heaved him down a threshold (he really was very strong).

“Well, you did! Obviously.” Remus wheeled around. If Sirius was being blunt then he would be too. He had spent 3 years in fear of his feelings, spent 3 years biting his tongue, spent 3 years hiding his feelings, and, well, the fumes from the Courage Concoction they had brewed in potions that afternoon had got to him.    

“So if you were jealous, then… this means something?” Sirius gestured to the empty space between them. The wave of his hand signified their kisses, the looks, the palpable sexual tension, and a lot of unsaid things.

“Well, yeah. It did to me! I thought you were- I thought you did- Pads-”  

“Moons.”

“Sirius.”

“Remus.”

And they both surged forward, meeting rather forcefully with a clash of lips and grabbing of arms. Remus backed Sirius against the wall.

“I don’t want to snog anyone else.” Sirius managed, in between kisses.

“Well that’s good ‘cause you sure aren’t going to.” Growled Remus.

“Oh really?”

“Nope.”

“Ad why not.”

“Well you’re mine now, aren’t you?”

“Yeah I suppose I am.”

All of this was said between kisses, as Remus’s hands migrated from the collar of Sirius’s jacket and down his arms to intertwine fingers.

“Shut up Padfoot.”

“With pleasure.”

\---

_Hogsmeade Village_

James and Lily walked hand-in-hand down the crowded center street of Hogsmeade. Enchanted lanterns in blue, purple and yellow danced over their heads, and students bustled around them snacking on caramel-lavender popcorn, luminescent candy floss, and enchanted candy apples. They each clutched a cut of hot coco in their hands.

“This is really beautiful.” Lily sighed.

“Hmm.” James hummed his agreement.

“Good to have some joy, you know? Before...”

“Before what Lils?”

“This war.” She was still looking up at the lanterns. Tears swam in her green eyes, turned kaleidoscopic in the multi-colored light.

“It doesn't have to be like the Lily. We could... we could run away! Hide in the countryside for a few years until this all blows over.”

“You wouldn't do that.”

“I could!”

“No James. You know as well as I do that when this war comes we’re both fighting. All of us will.” She leaned against the wall of Udvari’s Oddities, putting her head on James’s shoulder with her eyes still turned upwards.

“But we're  _so damn young_ Lily.”

“Yeah. Well that just means that when we make it out the other side we have even more life to spend.”

“I'd want to spend it with you. Lily I want to live a long and happy life together, for years and years!” James pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“That sounds nice.” Lily sniffled, tears falling down her cheeks in earnest.

“But what if we don't get that? It's so unfair Lils. I hate this war. I hate this dread, and the fear, and I FUCKING HATE VOLDEMORT.” James’s yell attracted a few stares from other couples who had made it to the end of the village.

“Mm well if we don't get a long happy life, which _we will_ James, because I will not allow you to die like an idiot, then we just have to make what we get count.”

He pulled her in for a long kiss, (number 204) trying to memorize everything about her: how she sighed when he stroked her cheek, the way she kissed with the fierceness of her sarcasm but cupped his face with the tenderness of her kind heart, the way her eyelashes fluttered and head tilted, he tried to memorize Lily Evans in this perfect, peaceful moment.

“I want you to marry me you know. When we get out of school.” Lily whispered.

“We're only 17.”

“And?”

“That's too long to wait.” he ran a thumb along her jaw. She laughed softly.

“I know James, but… I want to be a kid for a while longer. Because when this war comes…” She trailed off. James smirked. That was never a good sign. He tapped her hard on the shoulder.

“Tag.”

She grinned widely as he turned on his heel and ran, waiting only a millisecond before chasing after him under the dark sky, punctuated with coloured light.


	11. Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY THIS IS SHORT!!  
> This week has been crazy, but I'm super excited about the next chapter so I will probably be motivated to write that one pretty quickly.  
> Thanks for your patience and support and all that sappy stuff.

### For this chapter I suggest these songs:

***switch songs when you see an asterisk for best aesthetic and YES I KNOW THESE SONGS DIDN’T CANONICALLY EXIST IN THE 1970S BUT GIVE ME THIS***

**Chasing Parties - Sasha Sloan**

**Just My Type - The Vamps**

 

They were locked in Gryffindor Tower. Even the Fat Lady had hitched a ride with the horse drawn carriage painting in the entrance hall down to Hogsmeade, meaning the portrait hole refused to open.

Remus was reading on the chair closest to the fire while Sirius tried in vain to pry open a window.

“Stupid magical glass! It's not too cold to open! Damnit.” He yelled, smacking the panes in frustration.

“Oh yeah, yelling at it will work.” Drawled Remus, not glancing up from Hexers and Perplexers: a History of the Best Magic Users.

“So what do you suggest I do, Wise and All Knowing Werewolf?”

“Well we're trapped, so I would say be patient but I know that's not in your nature.”

“Mmm you're right about being trapped Moons.” Sirius said, all frustration in his voice gone now, replaced by a teasing lilt. Remus’s ears went pink, but he kept his eyes glued to the page.

Sirius sauntered over, placing a hand on either arm of Remus’s chair. He leaned over him.

“Might as well make the best of it eh?”

Sirius flicked his wand at the record player beside Remus that was quietly emitting music, turning the volume up to fill the common room.

“May I have this dance, Remus Lupin?”

“You can dance?”

“All members of the Black family can dance.”

“Well I can’t!”

“It's not hard. It's just walking, but to music.”

“It really isn't.”

“Shut up Moons.”

“Make me.”

Sirius pulled Remus up by his arms, tilting his head to kiss him. He could feel the music swelling in his chest as he guided Remus out into the open space of the common room, their faces still pressed closely together. He untangled his hands from the taller boys hair to place them on either side of his waist. Remus shuddered, his fingers trembling slightly as he clasped them behind Sirius’s neck, very aware of the strip of skin under his jumper that Sirius's fingers were drifting over. Sirius raked his eyes over Remus’s face, admiring the way the scar marring his cheek stood out in the contrasting firelight and cold, snowy light from the windows. Remus kissed the top of Sirius perfect head, and they danced.

They danced in a loping circle, Sirius chuckling when Remus would stumble slightly, but he would keep them steady and continue on. They danced in the moment, the peaceful moment, with a war on the horizon and uncertainty in the future. They danced in the Gryffindor Common Room: the place that they'd met, and became friends, and flirted, fallen in love, and kissed, and lived. They danced in each others arms, a place that always meant safety and acceptance, a warm embrace of infatuation and support. They danced to golden music, in a room split in half by golden and silver light, the warm embers of the fire softening Remus’s scars and the glowing light of the moon casting a dramatic shine onto Sirius’s profile. They danced in sways and swirls, sweeping semicircles and tight ovals. *

Remus twirled with his hands above his head, reveling in the music in a carefree way that made Sirius’s heart pang for the rigid way in which he was taught to dance in the Black house. He let his hips sway, tilting his head back and closing his eyes, attempting to lose himself in the same way, ignoring his aunt's voice counting out two-four rhythm, choosing instead to time his bounces to the music with his own heartbeat and the beat of the music. Remus turned around, sweeping sweaty hair from his brow, and caught a glimpse of Sirius. He was moving in a way which should not have been allowed (unless he was _trying_ to give Remus a heart attack). His hair flew out from his face as he twisted his shoulders and hips in smooth motions. Remus blushed. It was incredibly attractive, and yet had an awkward clumsiness to it: like perhaps this action was one of the only times when all that Black family grace and poise was nowhere in sight. He scooped Sirius back into his arms, laughing as he was startled out of his dancing stupor. They held hands and danced for hours, until Sirius was falling over from drowsiness. He felt Remus tuck an arm under his legs, and another under his neck, nuzzling into his shoulder as he carried him up the stairs.


	12. The End for Now - Or is it?

I have officially run out of motivation to finish this fic. I am no longer in the pining, crushing place that inspired me to write, and school is getting hectic. If anyone wants to finish it please contact me!

It was a pleasure to write, and a pleasure to post. Thanks for all your comments and perhaps in the future there will be more. :)

-K

 

UPDATE:

NEW CHAPTERS COMING OUT, JUST SLOWLY. ENJOY! 


	13. Buzzed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter, Lily, Marlene and James come up with a plan.

James, Lily, Marlene and Peter sat at a table in the Three Broomsticks sipping Butterbeers. Lily stretched her cold fingers, wrapping them around the hot mug to warm them. The game of tag had turned into a full-blown snowball fight that had left half of the students with freezing hands and snowy hair. James took Lily’s hand in his own, using a warming charm on their interlaced fingers. Peter shook snow out of his hair. It landed on Marlene's arm and she slapped him goodnaturedly. Peter had asked her to the festival as friends, and the two of them had spent the evening competing to see who could fit the most Bertie Botts Beans in their mouths. Peters lips were still multicoloured.

“So does anyone know if anything happened between Remus and Sirius?” Marlene asked, spinning her wand upright on the tabletop. Lily paused, her goblet mid-way to her lips.

“I… I don’t know? How could I have forgotten about that! James!” She wheeled on her boyfriend. “How could you have let me forget about that?” James opened his mouth, then closed it again. He wasn’t exactly sure how he was supposed to have remembered to not let her forget, but he just shrugged. Best not to say anything.

“Cause Lils and I thought they were hooking up, but it doesn’t seem like anything came of it.” Marlene mused. “I mean I made out with Black for nothing!” She let her wand clatter onto the table. Peter and Lily snorted.

“Like you’d need a reason to make out with someone.”

“Touche.”

“Well, should we do something to get them together?” Peter asked.

“We tried that. Doesn’t work.” James grimaced.

“Well we learned our lesson. C’mon James don’t you want to plan something?” Lily winked at him, sliding her hand up his arm.

“You know I love mischief and… and you’re playing dirty.”

“And?”

“Let’s do it.”

The four of them spent the next hour laughing, joking, and scheming (three of James's favourite things), hatching (to their minds) rather brilliant plans to get their two friends together. Of course, any plans made by two giggling girls and two Marauders drunk on spiked Butterbeer and snowfall are plans that should be feared.

 

_The next day_

_In the abandoned greenhouse_

Lily, Marlene and Remus sat on the herbology benches, legs swinging over the edge. It was warm in the greenhouse and they had discarded their jackets and scarves to a corner. Purple shimmer furled from their lips, and each of them clutched a charmed cigarette on their fingers. Lily pulled her feet up, crossing her legs and flattening her rose-patterned dress.

“So Remus, what's new with you?” Marlene ventured, nudging him with her toe.

“I've been a bit chilly recently,” he replied dryly. Lily rolled her eyes.

“C'mon Remus, it’s just girl talk!”

“Oh shit ladies, don't you just hate how when that time of the month comes around you just want to rip peoples heads off?” He drawled, taking another drag of magical smoke. Marlene snorted, coughing purple shimmer and laughing. Lily frowned.

“That's not funny Re.”

Remus shrugged, smirking a bit at Marlene's frantic gasps.

“Hey if I have to deal with this furry little problem I might as well find some fucking humour in it.”

“You know for the longest time I actually thought you had a particularly rebellious rabbit.” Marlene giggled.

“Well that was the point,” came Sirius's voice from the doorway. He strolled in, accompanied by Peter and James, the three of them stripping off their coats as they entered. Sirius pointed at the cigarette in Lily's hand accusatorily.

“Aw shit Lily, you know smoking kills!”

“You know what kills Black? Your face.” She brandished the cigarette in the air, gesturing widely. “Also war. We're all going to fucking die in a few years anyway.”

Sirius plucked the cigarette from her and took a long drag.

“Might as well enjoy life while we can then huh?” Sirius said, glancing imperceptibly at Remus.  

“That's what I think.” Lily agreed, drawing another cigarette from her pocket and lighting it with her wand.

“Lily we talked about this. We aren't going to die.” James said, pulling himself up onto a dangling loop of dead vine and swinging slightly. Lily shrugged, a sign of dismissal, but there was a sadness in the motion, an uncertainty, and as the friends went quiet, an unspoken weight that settled onto her frame as she collapsed down onto Marlene's lap. Her friend stroked her hair, straightening the white scrunchie that was holding it in place.

Peter and James abstained from smoking, deciding instead to start up a game of exploding snap.

Once James had won he turned towards Lily with a wink.

"HEY GUYS, so Peter and I came up with a fun plan!" He yelled, with all of the sincerity and cheeriness of a used car salesman. Lily put her head in her hands - why had they let James pitch this? He was a horrible liar. He barreled on:

"Basically it's a treasure hunt, but we break a lot of rules."

"I'm in," chimed Sirius.

"We divide into teams, one team hides something in Hogwarts and then the other two pairs have three nights to find it. Pranks, charms, hexes, booby traps and backstabbing are all allowed. But the catch is the pairs have to stick together. Use a binding charm so they can't go far."

"Oh I'm double in," Sirius added.

"So, pair up?" James said.

"Yeah Prongs I'll go with you," said Sirius.

"Oops sorry, I'm already with Lily."

"Really?"

"Yeah Sorry Black, James and I promised each other of we ever encountered an expulsion worthy nighttime scavenger hunt we'd buddy up." Lily said, high-fiving James. 

"Yeah and Marlene and I are going to pair up too." Peter chimed in.

"Aight Moons lets kick their asses." Sirius said, nodding towards Remus, who gave a thumbs up in return. 

Marlene extinguished her cigarette in the soil, and one of the remaining plants slapped her hand in retaliation.

"Sorry! She chirped, casting Auguamenti and sprinkling the plants, who swayed appreciatively. She pranced over to her jacket, pulling from within it a large firecracker, gilded with gold.

"Holy Merlin! Is that Dr Fillibusters Heat Seeking Chaos Missile Supreme?" Sirius leapt to his feet. Marlene smirked, holding the firework above his reach.

“Yes it is. Perhaps this could be the prize first round. Peter and I will hide it tonight and the hunt will begin the night after!” She covered the awkwardness of the rehearsed line with enthusiasm, and Sirius was too enraptured with the tantalizing firecracker to notice.

Everyone grinned. Four Marauders and two smiling girls buzzed on magical smoke and pranking potential is a dangerous thing.


	14. Ink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Short and sweet. Literally just the Marauders being teenagers.

Lily, James, Sirius and Remus waited impatiently in the common room. Remus scratched at his arm. Lily looked up in concern. 

"Remus how long till the full moon?" She asked, pulling up his sleeve to check his scars. They often became more pronounced closer to his transformation. 

"Uh… a week and a half maybe? I'd have to check the calendar."

"That doesn't seem reliable Re."

"Then what do you suggest Lily?” 

"Well actually I do have an idea…"

\---

Two hours later James was bent over Remus's arm, wand between his teeth, carefully poking and scraping at Remus's wrist with a slightly glowing quill. By the fire, Lily admired the fresh tattoo on her ankle, a pale purple lily and petunia blooming together below her calf. The petals rustled softly. James had been reluctant to make such a permanent design, but after a brief wrestling match that resulted in Lily showing the others the drawings in James's  diary journal, and when everyone had thoroughly inflated James's ego, he finally agreed to give Lily's charmed tattoo quill a try, but still spent almost an hour getting the flowers perfect on Lily. Now he was working on a small moon, inset in the dip of Remus's wrist. Every so often he would use his wand to tap the design. A few minutes later, (with Lily's help with the charms), Remus had an exact duplicate of the current moon phase lightly glowing on his wrist. A single swipe of his thumb faded the moon to a mere freckle, ensuring it would only appear when he wanted it to. By the time Marlene and Peter returned from hiding the firework, Sirius was sporting a handsome Gryffindor lion on his upper arm, a geometric creature that shook its mane in a tangle of overlapping triangles. Marlene gladly received a minuscule owl behind her ear, but Peter took one look at the sharp quill tip and decided to abstain. 

"My mom would kill me," Peter said nervously.

"That's part of the fun Wormy!" Sirius said, flexing his bicep in a way that made Remus's mouth go dry. 

Marlene produced a flask of Veelas Vodka from the folds of her robe, also staring at Sirius's muscles.

"Cheers to teenage rebellion!" She toasted, conjuring shot glasses from mid air and dispersing them among the group. 

"Yeah, curfew can suck my Bludgers," Lily said, earning her a high-five from Remus. 

"Ladies and gentlemen, your Gryffindor Prefects!" Sirius drawled, taking the shot and gesturing to the pair of freckled Prefects with sarcastic bravado. Marlene and Lily joined him in taking the shots, giggling their way up the stairs to the girls dormitory with the vodka (it was a Friday night after all, and the Gryffindor girls typically smuggled in the Hufflepuffs for a games night). Ten minutes later, the four Marauders crawled their way up the stairs to the boys dormitory, Peter already nursing a headache. 

Sirius pulled Remus’s pyjama pants over his hips, picking up a sweater from the ground and snuggling into it. The frost on the window panes was making the air hang cold and heavy, chilling his toes. He took what he saw as the only possible solution: he tackled Remus onto his bed, sitting on his legs so he could pull the woolen socks from his feet. He left the blushing Remus sprawled as he sat on his own bed and pulled the warm socks onto his feet, grinning in victory. James made eye contact with Peter, with that look. The look that said ‘do they not realize how cute that is?’ Remus sat up, peeved, and peeled his shirt off, huffing towards Sirius’s trunk to grab one of his jerseys (because two can play at the your-clothes-are-mine game). This, in turn, caused Sirius to slip in his (newly) sock feet because  _ Remus was stripping in front of him _ . And yes, living together with one bathroom meant they were naked in front of each other all the time, but, as Remus shucked his pants, and searched in Sirius’s trunk with one arm covering the scars on his chest, Sirius realized it was the first time he had seen Remus like this since they began… well… being something. Remus turned towards him, and dropped his arm. Sirius glanced down at his chest, eyes tracing the large white scars that mapped his shoulders. Remus hunched, very conscious of how exposed his scars were, and yet a part of him burned with pride when Sirius didn’t recoil, instead looking at him with a, dare Remus think,  _ hungry, flirty glint  _ in his eyes. Sirius flicked his gaze up to Remus’s and they stood that way until Peter coughed from the bathroom. 

\---

Sirius woke up the next morning still thinking about Remus wearing underwear and Sirius’s old Quidditch jersey to bed.


End file.
